This Post Is Dressed Like A Dork For Halloween, But It Was Either This Or The Domino Costume Again

The night is dark, dank, and smells faintly of Dove Powder Fresh underarm deodorant. The power is out on your street and you sit struggling to read by the light of the fireplace wondering, "How did Abraham Lincoln do this? Between this, emancipation and the whole axe thing he's totally number one on my Greatest US President's list." Then you hear it. From the fireplace comes the faint tinny tones of, "You are the candle, loves the flame. A fire that burns through wind and rain.... Said I loved you, but I lied. This is more than love I feel inside..."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bwahahahaha! Velcome to Halloveeeen! (gestures evilly with her hand for you to enter)

Three, count them, one, two, three! Bwahaha! Three things that give me the heebie-jeebies (besides Michael Bolton and power outages). Read them, IF YOU DARE!!

1. Stalkers.

Yeah. I found this on my car, people. At FRED MEYER! Seriously. Back off. And next time? Sign your name, please. Because if you're going to stalk me, turn about is only fair play.

2. Evil that comes with it's own controller.

"It's sucking our brains! It's sucking our brains!"

At least zombies can be decapitated with chainsaws. (And I mean real zombies, people. Not those fake ones in Tetris or the Indiana Jones Lego game. Geesh!)

3. The Droid phone commercials.

Let me show you.

First, this droid reference will give you nightmares.

While this droid makes you want to give him a big hug.

Shhhhhhhhh.... little guy! There's Michelin men around the corner!!

And just when you thought it was safe to dive into the Internets again....