I have an ugly leg. My Dorian Gray leg, as I've called it for the last 10 years. And, if you missed my post about a week or so ago, then you missed the fact that I'm pregnant, and vomity. (Don't eat the Sour Gummi Fish! Just don't do it!! Oooohhhh, the burning!!!) So, in the next day or so, I will be receiving in the mail, my first pair of old lady compression stockings. (Really not walking into a store to buy them!) Because of all this pregnancy junk, my left legged Dorian Gray is looking pretty raunchy. Something like this:
But, you know, on my leg. Without the eyeballs. However, the rest of my body looks more like this:
(Without the murder, the opium dens,and the full on hedonistic lifestyle. Unless you count that marathon I ran last year....)
What?!? Of course that's me! Why would I lie? Didn't I just tell you I ran a marathon? That's ME! On a really, really, really, really good hair day, after working out on those magic glute and arm machines at the gym, and standing in front of the Legion movie poster wearing my sexy maternity tank top and low rise jeans holding a really big...um... Super Soaker? Come on, would a woman buying her first pair of old lady compression stockings lie to you?
I don't know who is scarier - weird flesh droop man, or a pregnant lady with a gun. Pregnant lady is possibly more volatile. Hmmm...
ReplyDeleteSorry about your compression stockings. At least pregnancy is temporary :)