This Halloween Post Lacks A Scary Michael Bolton Video. Or Does It?

Guide To Scaring The Pants Off Of People

as written down by me

(Are you picturing me flashing a sparkling smile followed by a humble, yet coy, finger waggle here? Because I that's exactly what I'm doing. Kinda creepy, isn't it?)

1. Stand in a darkened doorway.

2. Wait quietly, and patiently, for someone to walk by innocently.

3. Jump out and yell "BOO!" Or don't. Really just the jumping out part is enough.

4. Laugh uproariously. Claim you never meant to scare them, you were just happened to be walking out of the bathroom/bedroom/living room/etc.

5. Do it again.

And there you have it, "How To Make Your Children Howl In Fear On Halloween Or, Really, Any Other Day You're Feeling Bored And Feel In Need Of An Adrenaline Pick Me Up: In Five Easy Steps". Guaranteed and time tested. For years and years and years. On the cutest little kid you ever saw:

Yeah, Mom. I'm onto your "innocent" and "unintentional" terrorizing you put me through as a child. I also know about how you watered down my soda too. Man, you're just lucky I turned out so gosh darn normal.

In other news, Jon went dressed as this for Halloween this year:

42,650 scarily Frankenstein-like reanimated points, a box of mac and cheese and all the candy I can steal from my children's trick-or-treating pumpkins if you can identify what he went as. If you dare!

Pin It