I Skipped Number 8 Because One Should Not Have R Rated Conversations With Siri

It's likely that, if I'd been a true blue and green member of the Seahawks fandom, instead of just a wannabe in it for a cheap cup of coffee, I'd have realized that last Wednesday was the worst day in the history of all interstate road travel to schedule a meeting that resulted in having to drive a car through Seattle. Like, over 700,000 people standing in freezing weather watching football players being transported past Pike's Place in a fleet of amphibious WWII era vehicles named after a common waterfowl worth of bad idea. In my opinion. Either way, it is quite large.  It also meant that I was stuck in the car. For a really long time. With only Siri to talk to. And she was being particularly stupid that day with her note takings. So, in honor of the 12th man parade (which, still, no one will explain the historical significance of) I typed up

Siri's Top 12 Worst Understandings Over 70 Miles Of Freeway Through Horrible Traffic

Without Any Explanations 

Because I Don't Remember What I Was Trying To Say

Although I Did Give Siri A Chance To Explain Today

Because I'm Nice Like That

1. D is for dancing. 

Siri's: I don't see any places matching "D is for dancing". Sorry about that.
Me: Do you even like dancing?
Siri: This is about you, not me.

2. What is the significance of the cat?

Siri: I didn't find anything for the significance of the cat.
Me: Did you even try?
Siri: Now there's a good question. Now, where were we?
Me: What is the significance of the cat?
Siri: I did not find anything for the significance of cat. Search the web?
Me: Ok.
Siri: (Searches web)
Me: (waiting, glancing, sighing) Siri, you found absolutely no results! It's like you're not even trying!
Siri: Is that so?
Me: Yes!
Siri: That's what I figured.

3. The car inside your finger. Is there a filming of Matt Matt I did not know about?

Siri: I found six auto dealers.
Me: I don't want to buy a car.
Siri: Ok then.
Me: I still want to know about the car inside your finger.
Siri: I found six auto dealers.
Me: Siri, I still don't want to buy a car. How about, is there a filming of Matt Matt I did not know about?
Siri: (shows me the nearest car dealership on the map)

4. Beat up car to the side you'll anchor in price. Cut off Muckler behind. Is there a free Delmayne of bad?

Siri: (indignantly) I'm just trying to help you.

5. Butt based traffic today.

And then Siri showed me a map of the traffic. And you know what? She was right. Because days later people are still queued up to leave Seattle.

6. Very taking notes.

Siri: I found all of your notes.
Me: Can you read them all to me?
Siri: I can if you update to the latest version of iOS.
Me: Well, crapazoidal, I don't know how to do that. She totally just called my bluff!


7. U-Haul behind me Rathbourne iPad.

Siri: I'm not sure I understand
Me: U-Haul behind me Rathbourne iPad.
Siri: I'm not sure I understand
(That. 12 more times. (And, yes, I kept track.) Then Siri gave in and offered to look up "U-Haul behind me Rathbourne iPad" in my address book. But she didn't find anyone with that name. Ooo! Thought! Anyone want a new nickname?)

8. Deleted. On purpose. Also. Related: Do not ask Siri to take a note regarding any type of trucking business with children in the room. 

9.  Having Siri take notes for me in the car and listening to her messed up. It's rather distracting from the heavy traffic due to the Seahawks game this afternoon it, Doneghan! Get the parade! My mistake. A parade because they won the game which was last weekend. 

Siri: I created your note.
Me: What? I don't want you to take a note. I want you to explain the meaning behind the note.
Siri: Ok. I created that note.
Me: Siri, no. Stop taking notes.
Siri: Ok. I created that note.
Me: (face palm)

10.  I hate steak salad sandwich coffee. Angle blueberries down for lunch.

Siri: I see. Noted.
Me: Where did you note that?
Siri: I don't know. Frankly I've wondered that myself.
Me: So, do you hate steak salad sandwich coffee too?
Siri: I'm afraid i don't know the answer to that.
Me: Have you ever tried steak salad sandwich coffee?
Siri: Who me?
Me: Yes, you.
Siri: You?
Me: Seriously!?! It's "Couldn't be" Siri. Geesh!

11.  Note that on my phone before it blows up. For, I get to blowup like Mommy Lichtenstein up at 11!

Siri: I couldn't find any blood banks.

12. 12 Maneos the Hawks! Go Hawks! Game! Football with the football! I don't know anyone here!

Siri: I am searching the web for " 12 Mancos the Hawks! Go Hawks! Game! Football with the football! I don't know anyone here!"
Me: What? Without even being asked!
(And then she took me to this webpage.)
Me: Dude! A book written by a gunrunning poet? I need me a trip to the library!
(And then Siri mapped the nearest library. Because she's helpful like that.)

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