Oooohhhh, all sorts of crazy!
Like, once this month, we all trooped down to Arizona to stare, slack jawed, at grapefruit GROWING RIGHT IN SOME ONE'S FRONT YARD!!!
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Um, you live in the Northwest, shouldn't you be staring slack jawed at something bigger, like the sun?" And my answer is, theoretically... yes, but practically... no. Because as everyone knows, staring at the sun can make you sneeze, a lot. Plus there's that whole blindness thing....
Now, I know what you're thinking. "Um, you live in the Northwest, shouldn't you be staring slack jawed at something bigger, like the sun?" And my answer is, theoretically... yes, but practically... no. Because as everyone knows, staring at the sun can make you sneeze, a lot. Plus there's that whole blindness thing....
Then, there was this other time, when we came back from the place where magical grapefruit GROWS RIGHT IN SOME ONE'S FRONT YARD!!!
and it snowed. A lot. Like right away. With a layer of ice. Which trapped me in the house with two very small children and a dwindling supply of cream for my coffee. Which made me wonder, "Is this how that whole business with the Donner Party started? Because I'm feeling really grouchy, and if I can't drink my normal huge amounts of coffee, I'm going to get even more grouchy and, thinking about it, you'd have to be really grouchy to resort to cannibalism. Strategically speaking, maybe the Donner's shouldn't have killed the cows first." Which, I know, is just stupid. Because obviously the cows would had gone dry months before they were even trapped in all that snow. What's amazing is that every wagon train didn't resort to cannibalism. Then, eventually, Jon came home and he reminded me, once again, that "Cannibalism is never funny, Martha. At all." But, then I realized, this was coming from a man who doesn't appreciate a good butt joke*, so, why would I listen to him? Exactly.
and it snowed. A lot. Like right away. With a layer of ice. Which trapped me in the house with two very small children and a dwindling supply of cream for my coffee. Which made me wonder, "Is this how that whole business with the Donner Party started? Because I'm feeling really grouchy, and if I can't drink my normal huge amounts of coffee, I'm going to get even more grouchy and, thinking about it, you'd have to be really grouchy to resort to cannibalism. Strategically speaking, maybe the Donner's shouldn't have killed the cows first." Which, I know, is just stupid. Because obviously the cows would had gone dry months before they were even trapped in all that snow. What's amazing is that every wagon train didn't resort to cannibalism. Then, eventually, Jon came home and he reminded me, once again, that "Cannibalism is never funny, Martha. At all." But, then I realized, this was coming from a man who doesn't appreciate a good butt joke*, so, why would I listen to him? Exactly.
Then there was this time where there was a huge amount of vomit, and unfortunately no gloriously magical sunshiney grapefruit that GROWS RIGHT IN SOME ONE'S FRONT YARD!!!
So, I'm skipping that week.
So, I'm skipping that week.
Which drops me here. On the 27th. With three four days left in this sad, sad, sad excuse of a blogging month. And all I've contributed to the Internet this month is a few tweets about grilled cheese sandwiches, pumpkins and a knock knock joke that wasn't even mine. And too many incomplete sentences to go back and count. Because I'm lazy. But, really, it's not my fault. I mean, how could it be when everyone is walking around calling the month Junkuary, right?
Right??
Ummmm....
Crap.
Never mind. I'll just see you all next month, in FUNRUARY!
*To the buttcano! To the buttcano!
