Real Runners Wear Them Across The Finish Line

It's Thanksgiving, and we all know what that means! (Well, beyond vegetarians the world over teaching their geriatric poultry how to do the merengue, that is*.) It means it's time to break out those TURKEY! hats and run a 10K in them!

Everyone but me, that is.

Because, this awesome hat:

is sitting on a store shelf. In eastern Washington. Hundreds and hundreds of miles away. All lonely like....(...*sniff*gooobbble*sniff*....) dreaming of the day, it too, can run wild and free along a really really really** hilly route that has a beautiful view of a harbor while Canadian geese honk their encouragement overhead as you POWER UP THOSE HILLS***!!!

I know. It makes me sad too.

So, in lieu of a TURKEY! hat that, let's face it, I'm not spending $45 on, (Do you know how many coffees that will buy!?! Priorities. I've got them. And they come caffeine flavored.) next year I'm just going to wear this poster:

Like a banner of awesomeness, people. A. Banner. Of. AWESOMENESS!!



*Untapped market, people. That's all I'm sayin'!
**Really.
***Spoiler Alert: I walked.

This Is Where Being A Concerned Non-Self-Absorbed Spouse Will Get You*

So, the other night, there I was, tucked away in the furthest corner of the family room, hiding from my kids, and, well, Jon, because, if I don't hide, people, I'd actually have to help bathe, change, brush and read my children ready for bed and, anyway, I had way more interesting things to do. (Quit judging me.) What, you ask? Oh, tons of things. Very important things. Things like, trying to choose which picture to have printed on my personalized M&M'S**.

I could go with quirky and embarrassing:

Or, my candy could be an artistic triptych about that time I realized I needed a brain in my butt:

Or I could commendate that time I was a fashion trend setter:

Or I could go with just plain awesome!

Then, before I could really sit down and hash out a firm decision, Jon found me.

Jon: Um, Martha? I think I need to go to the ER.

Me: (flipping between pics on my computer) Ha. Ha. Funny. Funny. You threw out all my Lounge Lizard Esssspressssooo LooOOoove Gu weeks ago.

Jon: No. Really. I think I'm having an allergic reaction to something.

Me: (still flipping) It was probably the Sliders you had a work. I think the cows are implementing some sort of covert biological warfare tactics now.

Jon: (sighing) Fine. I'll drive myself.

Me: (finally turning around) Holy Bumpy Tomato! What did you eat?!?

And, six hours later, with Jon full of intravenous drugs, we're home. Something good did come of the night, however. I picked a photo for the M&M'S:

Printed on the red ones of course. Because grotesquely personalized M&M'S are for everyone. (Don't worry. You looked nothing like this, Jon. And, you can trust me on that, because, as you can see, I typed that with my concerned spouse facial expression intact.)

*It will also get an unconcerned self-absorbed spouse to the same place. But one of them comes with candy!

**For reals: