Thursday, March 25, 2010

You Can't Win If You Don't Play*

10 points! Virtual high five (Smack!**)! And soon a box of mac and cheese will be appearing in Nauckalum's mailbox! She won my awesome contest with a score of 3/6!

For those of you that missed it, as I used to say flippantly and edge-ily in college, sucks to be you***! But I'll give you the answers because I know you're going to race and click on my awesome contest link.

1. The Surfing Brides (Deep philosophical stuff though man. You can even see their video here. Awesome, right?)
2. Michael Bolton (Feel free to laugh. I would, but that stupid song is STILL stuck in my head!)
3. Michael W. Smith (I had a copy of every tape he made. I think I'm over that now, variety and all, you know.)
4. Amy Grant (First tape I ever bought was her Unguarded, but once "no muscle man could sever" came out, it was just lame.)
5. Petra (I can't think of anything to say. I mean, they were a good hard rock Christian band, weren't they??)
6. The Enchanted Tiki Room Birds (Which is still an awesome song! But, scarily, at one point I thought I was still listening to my Micheal Bolton tape. )

What lame-uh, I mean, AWESOME stuff do you have in your Goodwill pile?

*Because, like the lottery, the pay out is THAT good!

**There's probably a much cooler way to onomatopoeia a virtual high five. Maybe, "Onomatopoeia SMACK!" No? Oh well, I really only wanted to say onomatopoeia again. Yep, that's my humor. Right up there with sushi stool.


Thursday, March 18, 2010

My Attempt To Get "How To Tell If Your Cat Is Pregnant" Removed From My Google Ads

Rhubarb Soda
Garlic Stuffed Olives
Gjetost Cheese (Salty Caramel Goat Cheese)

Is this list:

A) The top seven food items that will leech iron from your system faster than a bucket of laxatives with 12 espresso shot chasers (which really, is the same thing).

B) A waddling pregnant woman's ("WOW! Look at that belly!") weird dinner craving.

C) The results of my giddy shopping trip through the hippie crunchy granola-y selection at Central Market.

D) The snacks requested by Katie to be served at her birthday party next week.

E) All of the above

F) Is this a trick question?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

The Post Where I Enter the Digital Music Age

I've been cleaning, clearing, decluttering, and in some cases, yes, decraping the junk we have around the house these last few days, all to the ROCKIN' tunes from the tapes I hauled to college in my very cool cotton candy pink tape case. Which I had because it matched my pink bedspread and pink rose sheets, which when juxtaposed (that's my big college-y word to prove I really did go, because, this post is going to be really lame and will make you wonder about my mental capacity) with my ever so cool Goofy night shirt and matching Goofy knee highs, makes me wonder if maybe one or two of those 10 (yes, ten) college roommates left because of- nnnaaahhhhh, never mind, that's crazy talk!

Anyway, Katie's default question has morphed from the classic toddler "Why?" to "Is your music over now?" And, by 11am tomorrow morning, as my box of tapes are loaded in the back of the Goodwill truck, I'll have to answer, "Yes, Mommy's music is over now."*

So, I'll leave you with this:

If the world was gonna end in an hour and a half then love is a wonderful thing, makes you smile through the pouring rain, because friends are friends forever and baby, baby no muscle man could sever, my love for you is true and there's a higher place to go beyond belief, beyond belief, where we reach the next plateau in the Tiki-Tiki-Tiki-Tiki Room....

Ten points, a virtual high five and a box of mac and cheese to the first reader who can identify all six of the artists/groups that will be rattling down my street by 11:04 tomorrow morning! (You feel all challenged now, don't you?)

*Before you get all sniffley and offer your pack rat support, I didn't give them all away. I mean, where else am I going to find "Square Dancing Made Easy with Slim Jackson", or a mix tape with Eileen Farrell, The Serendipity Singers and the Jackson 5, OR my Rude Awakenings tape with 2001 Space Odyssey sung by farm animals? Come to my house. We'll party.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

There May Be A Reason I Find Candy Land Boring*

So, last night Katie and I are playing Candy Land. Totally my suggestion. She wanted to play the Curious George Discovery Beach Game- AGAIN. And, since I hadn't played Candy Land since, I don't know, 2nd grade, it seemed perfect.

Then I remembered. Candy Land is kinda boring, and a little stomach turning with all the mint** and gum drops and black licorice. So, on the second game out comes my iPhone, and I question myself: Is it wrong to play Candy Land with your two year old daughter and read stuff on your phone at the same time? Now, before you get all "Quality Time" on me, I WAS reading the NPR website (because it just plain looks better in case, you know, anyone randomly stops by my house and asks what I'm reading), and it was an article about the inhaleable chocolate, LeWhif. (Chocolate-Candy Land, see the connection?)

As I was sitting there in Lord Licorice's stinky anise trap, I began to think: What if this article came out before Valentine's Day? What if Jon had read it? What IF instead of the lovely, gorgeously yummy box of Fran's Chocolates Jon brought home he'd handed me a box of LeWhif?

(Audience participation part I: wiggle your hands in front of your screen to make that wavy fade out effect for daydreams)

I would have been all, "Seriously? Does it come with a side of glue too?"
And he would have been all, "Yeah, no glue... But there's no calories!"
And then I would have been all, "What are you saying?"
And then he would have been all defensive with, "Nothing! Really! Do you want sushi for dinner?"
And then I would have taken it to the next level, because obviously I hadn't already, and been, "Did you seriously just tell me I'm as fat as a sushi stool?!?!"

(Audience participation part II: wiggle your fingers again and promise to smack me in the head if I start saying, "For sure! Gag me with a spoon!" and other stuff like that.)

So, the question hangs from this post: How in the world did I lose Candy Land twice to a two year old?

*I wrote this post while eating a grapefruit, helping Katie get on the toilet, laying out her clothes and collecting library books so we can get Jon to the morning ferry on time.

**Raise your hand if mint makes you nauseous too. Yeah.... I thought I was the only one....