Friday, October 31, 2014

Superheros? You're Doing It Wrong. Still.

Dark, rain soaked skies?

Pumpkin carved by a four year old sitting on the front steps?

Bowl of candy, including the coveted Recess Peanut Butter Cups, by the front door?
Because, let's face it, it's 9:00 in the morning and I have no control over certain gastronomical encounters.

Creepy music playing on Pandora?
My Michael Bolton station is playing.
At full volume.
Can't get creepier than that.

It's Halloween!

Which means there's going to be a lot of cute little superheros running up and down the streets tonight. And, with all the debates floating around the Internets about what exactly is proper attire for a female superhero, I thought this would be a good time to throw my ramblings out there. Plus, Jon's tired of me yelling at the TV whenever we watch "Castle".

Because there are so many things wrong with this picture. So. Many. Things.

And, so, in order to set the world of female superhero attire to right, Katie and Ellie got all dressed in their costumes this morning. And they dressed properly, Kate Beckett. Properly.

On the left, Katie has chosen a costume with a fun twist on the traditional Supergirl colors of red, white and blue. And, on the right, Ellie is quite thrilled with the sparkly skirt on her Batgirl costume. Now, we can't all be the sparkles and fun, contrasting prints type of superheros, Kate Beckett. I get that. But it's not with your pants that I take issue.

Things I Yell At The TV In The Evenings While Folding Clothes And Watching Castle


Seriously. Imagine, there you are, running down the bad guy on the streets of New York, and suddenly off the East River comes a whoooosh! And? Now you're blinded. By your hair. Because you couldn't be bothered to put a hair tie around your wrist in the morning. So, that second murder that pops up in the last half of the show? Totally on your head. Literally. Because that's where hair grows.

Katie? Ellie? Show her how it's done:

BOOM! And there it is. The practical ponytail.


OK, fine Ms. Beckett, you're right, you can totally effectively use heels of that height as a hammer. However, as a person perpetually late for each and every orchestra concert during my college years causing me to run at full speed through Central Campus in concert attire, I can tell you, comfortable, practical shoes are a must. Because running barefoot through the snow is cold and not worth the potential frost bite.

What type of shoes do superheros wear Katie and Ellie?

That's right. Running shoes. 


Ok, fine, I made that last one up.

I mean, we've all seen "The Incredibles".

We know what having a cape means.

 But! They're so stylish! They flutter out when you run at supersonic speed!

Obviously, Katie and Ellie had to fix that too.

Capes. Thanks to the invention of Velcro, now the most expendable part of every superhero costume!

So, look out Superheros of the world in your inappropriate crime fighting outfits. My kids are comin'. And they mean business.
These are their crime fighting business faces.

We'll be working on those.

Friday, October 24, 2014

Go, Large Birds Of The Sea. Clutch That Prolate Spheroid Between Your Talons. Goal It. Yay.

I made no secret about my lack of interest in the Seahawks last season. I mean, even Twitter heard about it:

In honor of the Super Bowl here's a pic of my bathroom decorated in Seahawks colors. You're welcome.

Friday, October 17, 2014

I Blinded Them. With Science. Or A Huge Amount Of Sugar. It's Hard To Tell.

So last summer, before we headed out of town to go camping for the weekend, I packed sandwiches to eat on the road for dinner. Just peanut butter sandwiches. Ok, not really just peanut butter. They were peanut butter banana sandwiches. OK, fine, not just plain ol' peanut butter banana sandwiches, I added honey, for extra sweetness. And... a secret ingredient! An ingredient that not only fulfilled everyone's vegetable serving for the meal, but also added that nutrient left out of most camping food: fiber. That's right. My secret ingredient was cabbage!
High five for cabbage!
You can't leave me hanging like this!
People are beginning to stare....
It's embarrassing.
For realsie.

OK, fine. Be like that. But, you know what? It was PURPLE cabbage, people! PURPLE!  Which, as everyone knows, is the Fancy Nancy cabbage of the cruciferous world. Which, I thought would sell, at least Ellie, right off. I mean, the girl was wearing a tutu on a camping trip for goodness sakes! But, apparently, one should never put purple cabbage in a peanut butter, banana and honey sandwich. This seemed to be a unanimous conclusion. No matter who I asked. And, believe me, after the reaction I got from three, normally, sweet and lovely faces, I asked a LOT of people.

How-ev-er, after I got over the initial shock of the total and complete disregard for my whimsical culinary sandwich making skills, I was fiiiiine. Reeeally. Besides, you know what? I thought the sandwich was pretty good and I totally enjoyed my sandwich that night. Aaaand, truthfully, the other half of Katie's the next day. And Ellie's the day after that. But. Not Jon's. Because he's an adult and gosh darn it, should be mature enough to eat a peanut butter and cabbage sandwich even if he thinks, "there is something truly wrong with this." Whatevs. Jon.

So, imagine my surprise when this last weekend at Katie's Brownie Bridging ceremony, at which the girls watched me consume my brownie dessert garnished with a single green bean, Katie and Ellie start making a list of science experiments. Kitchen science experiments. And, heh-hem, at the top of their list?

Cabbage. Cake.

And, so, like any good mother, I jumped at the chance to help them achieve their Madam Curie goals. By facilitating the making of their Cabbage Cake. Using the Scientific Method. To prove legitimacy.

Will cabbage taste good in a cake?

Cabbage Cake will be good.
Using purple cabbage will turn the cake a lovely lavender color.

Step 1a:
Shred cabbage into bowl.
How much?
Step 1b:
About this much.
Step 2:
While kids are doing the hard work of shredding cabbage by hand, pile all the sugar you can find into a bowl. Mix in the flour and all the other dry ingredients you need. 
Step 3:
Kids are known for their abundance of energy.
This comes in handy because you discover the mixer is broken so
they need to cream in the butter by hand.
Sing with me! "We're building muscles! We're building muscles!"
Step 4a:
(FYI, this is a personal blog. I can spout any opinion I want.)
Step 4b:
Mix it in!
Using muscles!
Step 4c:
Mix it in.
A lot.
Step 5:
Add milk.
Cow, soy, whatever you want.
This is cow because, according to Ellie, "It's sweeter, Mommy!"
Step 6, 7 and 8:
Fill cupcake tin with cupcake papers.
Fill cupcake papers with batter.
Step 9:
Allow to cool while...
You make the frosting.
For realsie.
Step 10: 
Step 11:
And, finally, and most importantly,
Because sprinkles make everything taste better.
Plus they bring happiness and sunshine.
I'm lying about the sunshine part.

Did you notice all those thumbs? They're pointing up, people. UP. And. They come with smiles.

Cabbage cupcakes taste good.
Sadly, purple cabbage does not turn cake a lovely lavender color.

The REAL Conclusion:
I was right. Purple cabbage tastes good in anything. Including peanut butter, banana and honey sandwiches. Science doesn't lie.

P.S. For all you science sticklers out there, Katie wrote up our results with all the real scientific measurements. Because she's awesome like that.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Dibbity Dibs SHOTGUN!!




Times infinity!


That's right. You heard me. I'm not new to this game.



Called it! (raise triumphant fist of triumphantness here)

I call this. This video. Right here. Because it's totally Ellie's theme song.

For realsie.

And, don't think I don't see you. Yeah, you, over there, on the other side of the computer screen with your sad face and preschool kid skipping around your living room dressed in a sparkly tutu. I can see your theme song coveting eyes. They burn with envy. But it's too late. Go find your own my-four-year-old-is-awesome-and-adorable-and-obviously-way-better-than-all-the-other-four-year-old-DNA-out-there-in-the-world-theme-song, because I've plainly called bagsies. And, as the official Bagsy Commissioner wrote on the definitive wordsmith academic type website, Urban Dictionary*, it's quite obvious that,
"I win! You lose! Now you get a big fat bruise!"

P.S. That was petty. I apologize. Sometimes, parenthood ruins the best in us. I'm still callin' dibs though.

*Original definition:
Bagsy - the ability to claim that something is so unequivocally.
+this is an elaboration to previous rules and regulations sent out by the bagsy committee.
Bagsy - a registered trademark of the Bagsy Association would like to remind its followers of several rules:
1. Bagsy is applicable globally 2. While the Bagsy Overlord resides in Scotland and Ireland, he does travel to many locations to make sure that the bagsy heritage is being preserved 3. You can bagsy that another bagsy user doesn't have valid bagsies, however this type of "blocking" bagsy is only valid for the maximum of a year (for the few who inquired, it is also valid for a minimum of an evening) 4. Once a year has passed from a "blocking bagsy" bagsy, all bagsies by the blocked are valid again 5. Bagsy interacts with other claiming laws, such as "shot" (U.S. usage) and "touching red" (commonly used in Israel) however "bagsy" is dominant and any bagsy stated will overpower other claiming statements and local laws.
Should you have any questions please contact us - and we will be in contact with you.