Dude! Where's My Car? Mommy Style

Me: (while wandering in the parking lot after the county fair) Huh. Were'd we park?

Katie: (looking around) I don't know!

Me: OH MY GOODNESS!! WE CAN'T FIND THE CAR!!! We're looooooooooost! We'll have to stay here forever and ever and ever and-We'll only eat deep fried Twinkies! We'll have to sleep with the goats! THE GOATS! And goats can be sooooo smelly! We're doomed! (add really big hand motions and an anguished doomed face, which, truthfully looks like more like the Macaulay Culkin Home Alone face than real anguish, but, the effect is basically the same)

Katie: (in her serious voice) Stop it, Mom.  You're not funny.

Me: (silently, in my own head) Listen kid.  I jut walked around the fair with you and Ellie for six hours, ate only junk food, drank only three coffees and only fed you both Cheez-Its, mini donuts and sugar water that was supposed to be a snow cone but melted because you decided you didn't like it. Here's. The. Deal: I AM INCREDIBLY HILARIOUS! You don't even know the height of my hilariousness! In fact, I think I'll be even more hilarious. Right. Now.

Me: (out loud, maybe louder) WE ARE NEVER GOING TO FIND THIS CAR! Do you think goats kick in their sleep? Maybe we can find a big goat pen. Because I don't know about you, but I don't want to wake up with a goat hoof print on my forehead! I LOVE MY FOREHEAD! Hey! Maybe we should sleep with the rabbits instead! They'd be so much cozier! Waaaiiiiittttt a minute! Are rabbits nocturnal? Dude! They probably party all night with their friends with their little rabbit mariachi bands..... (ad nauseam*)


*No. Really. With one slice of under cooked cheese pizza, four mini sugar donuts and three large coffee's swishing around in my Tilt-A-Whirled belly, I know what I'm talking about.