After reading my last post, I'm sure at least .0213% of you wondered, "Is Martha less idiotic* when she's exposed to sunlight? You know, because direct sun makes vampires prettier and stuff, maybe it does the same for her, but instead of making her prettier it just makes her less daft** and that's why she only posted twice in January. Man, I'm sure glad she lives in the Northwest, where all that rain and a dense marine layer keeps her entertainingly potty***!"
Firstly, .0231% of my readership, I think your grasp of weather terms is a wee bit shaky (yes, I said that in my best English accent). Seconderdly, .0231% of my readership, thank you for your generosity and faith that sunlight does something for me other than make me stop on my morning runs and stare, slack jawed, at grapefruit GROWING RIGHT IN SOME ONE'S FRONT YARD!! Thirdest, .0231% of my readership, you'd be wrong, so very, very wrong, because, I had this conversation around the dinner table with my family in-law:
Firstly, .0231% of my readership, I think your grasp of weather terms is a wee bit shaky (yes, I said that in my best English accent). Seconderdly, .0231% of my readership, thank you for your generosity and faith that sunlight does something for me other than make me stop on my morning runs and stare, slack jawed, at grapefruit GROWING RIGHT IN SOME ONE'S FRONT YARD!! Thirdest, .0231% of my readership, you'd be wrong, so very, very wrong, because, I had this conversation around the dinner table with my family in-law:
Everyone At The Table: Yadda, Talk, Breen, Blibbity, Talk, Technobabble, Pickles....
Me: (daydreaming, silently, in my own head, because I'm not really listening) If I ever ran a bowling alley, I'd wear a name tag that said "Big Turkey". Dude. I'd be soooo cool!
Everyone: Talk, Dilithium, Tricorder, Tribble, KHHHAAAN!-
Me: (jolted into the conversation) I've never seen Star Wars.
Everyone: (silence, blank stares, and Jon actually scooted his chair two inches to the left, further away from me.)
Me: Well.... I mean, I saw the one with the clouds.
Ginger: Clouds?
Me: Yeah. They go to that city with the guy from Rocky and you know, walked around and stuff....
Everyone: (blank stares. silence. awkward.)
Jon: (in his almost completely mortified voice) She means "The Empire Strikes Back".
Everyone: (in their nice voices, because they're nice people) Ooohhh! Star Wars! You mean Cloud City!
Fred: Did you see it pre-1997? Because they changed the original film and the changes detract from the character arc of the films and tend to be more distracting than expedient.
Me: (with my mind spinning from the use of big words) Ummmm.... It had the Michelin Men in it? And they were chasing that cute robot around the city and he really needed to be quiet, but he wasn't? His friend was shiny too.
Everyone: (blank stares. silence. basically the same look I've been getting.)
Me: (attempting to deflect the next question, which obviously will be about Mystery Science Theater, and since I haven't seen that either, blurting out the first thing that comes to my head) Have you heard of Man Massages? They're supposedly bacon scented!
In retrospect, this might be why we only visit family once a year.
Oh, and P.S. or fourthesterdly, .0231% of my readership, the sun light makes me prettier too. It's not just vampires.
Fred: Did you see it pre-1997? Because they changed the original film and the changes detract from the character arc of the films and tend to be more distracting than expedient.
Me: (with my mind spinning from the use of big words) Ummmm.... It had the Michelin Men in it? And they were chasing that cute robot around the city and he really needed to be quiet, but he wasn't? His friend was shiny too.
Everyone: (blank stares. silence. basically the same look I've been getting.)
Me: (attempting to deflect the next question, which obviously will be about Mystery Science Theater, and since I haven't seen that either, blurting out the first thing that comes to my head) Have you heard of Man Massages? They're supposedly bacon scented!
In retrospect, this might be why we only visit family once a year.
Oh, and P.S. or fourthesterdly, .0231% of my readership, the sun light makes me prettier too. It's not just vampires.
**Again, your words not mine. And apparently with an English accent.
***English? Again? Really?
