Friday, February 26, 2010

The Post Where I Become A Food Critic

It took three days of manipulation, scheming, scouting, mapping, and wearing out Katie so much that she was her whiniest tired EVER. But it paid off. FINALLY, I managed to convince Jon to order this:

A pizza?! It took you three days to convince someone to order PIZZA? But WAIT! There's more! Look closely. Closer...Closer... past the nasty pig intestine bratwurst bits. (real intestine people) Real close.

Oh yeah! I found sauerkraut pizza! And ordered it!! AND ate every single un-Babe/Wilbur touched slice!!! And while there may have been a little too much cheese for my lactose tolerant taste, it was THE BEST German food we had in weird little Disney inspired Leavenworth on our snow vacation! (Seriously, you're taking the whole German theme/stereotype a bit far when your patrons enter your restaurant a little loudly and you bark at them "Just sit down anywhere!" while hiring locals to sit and pretend to eat your food because it's nasty and stare at them in stony silence. Just FYI King Ludwig's.)

Oh, Leavenworth Pizza Company...I may love you....

Monday, February 15, 2010

Where's Bing Crosby When You Need Him?

There's no snow. At least, not up here in the drizzly northwest.* But, not to be daunted we are off on a 5 day search for SNOW! I mean, if Arizona can manage to produce 6 feet of snow in one week, surely there's enough snow in all the Cascade range for a 2 year old, her pregnant mother, and gPhone addicted father to play in, right? Sure, Hurricane Ridge is closed, Mt. Rainier's snow parks are closed, Leavenworth, the Disney inspired fake Bavarian town we're staying in that's known for snow is holding a Lederhosen hula contest instead of their traditional winter carnival, but, GOSH DARN IT!, we've packed the snowshoes, sled and our plucky attitudes!

Oh, and if you happen to see a couple of headlamps and a 3 foot pink blob making snow angels in the groomed ski trails at Steven's Pass late one night, just keep on movin', because, remember, I have a plucky attitude and believe me, I'll use it too. (Add plucky threatening stare here.)

*You're lovin' my way cool high tech weather map aren't ya? Yeah, I know, Illinois and one of the Great Lakes are missing. They're probably off sipping margaritas in the Caribbean somewhere (stupid geographical features....). Either that or Katie fed them to a passing cat.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Things You Should Never Say To THIS Pregnant Woman

I'm starting to get huge. And by huge, I mean in the "Dude! She's as big as that giant sushi stool we saw last week!" sense. So, I thought I would share the top 5 least favorite things people have said to me. So far.*

1. Ewwww.... Smell this!

If you've been reading along with all the rest of us, this should be self explanatory.... ("Hint. It has to do with vomit," she said in her best Virginia Hall voice.)

2. I don't think this is any harder for you than other women.

SERIOUSLY?! It's probably in your best interest to shut up, now.

3. During your last pregnancy you ran through your 6th month....

Yeah, without a toddler in tow, or a narcissistic popularity seeking hip either!

4. It's so hard to loose weight.... You're lucky. Your weight will come off so much easier than mine.

Sure, if you call being strapped to an operating table while a doctor slices open your abdomen and pulls out a 10lb baby easy....

5. Do you mind if I order a margarita?

Now. I. Will. Hit. You.

*Yes, I realize this is really just venting. Everything can't be about the funny people! I tried, OK. I mean, I gave you the huge sushi stool, didn't I? (Sushi stool...he,he,he...that is sooo third grade!)

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Who Was That Shiny Robot? No. Really. Who Was It? I'm Not Being Cute Here, People. Hey! Don't Walk Away From Me....

Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven. Scotty has to report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the Engineering Section is getting dim, at which point Kirk will send Bones to pronounce the bulb dead (although he'll immediately claim that he's a doctor, not an electrician). Scotty, after checking around, realizes that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he "canna" see in the dark. Kirk will make an emergency stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a light bulb from the natives, who, are friendly, but seem to be hiding something. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Yeoman Rand and two red shirt security officers beam down to the planet, where the two security officers are promply killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party is captured. As something begins to develop between the Captain and Yeoman Rand, Scotty, back in orbit, is attacked by a Klingon destroyer and must warp out of orbit. Although badly outgunned, he cripples the Klingon and races back to the planet in order to rescue Kirk et. al. who have just saved the natives' from an awful fate and, as a reward, been given all light bulbs they can carry. The new bulb is then inserted and the Enterprise continues on its five year mission.

Aaannnnddd.... I didn't get it either, which MUST be why Jon dragged me to the Science Fiction Museum last weekend. (I know! Seattle! The town of grunge, coffee and, oh, wait, Bill Gates. Never mind. Makes complete sense to me now.)

Anyway, we walk in, I look around and begin to realize I have no clue what 98.7% of this stuff is. No, seriously I haven't even seen the movie! I actually pointed to this shiny robot and said, "There's no sign. What is it from?"

By the time all oxygen returned to the room (meaning, there was much gasping in disbelief), I found myself moved to a new exhibit. I think Jon used that beamy thing that everyone kept asking some guy named Scotty to do.

Anyway, since I was a COMPLETE embarrassment already, I decided to flit around with my trusty iPhone and take pictures of all the things I had actually seen. My first find?

The Bionic Woman! Awesome show! And, who didn't try to run 60 miles an hour just like Jamie Sommers?

Next, a Dune movie poster.

Although, technically, I don't know if I can claim this, since not only was I forced to watch it, I also fell asleep somewhere around some worm thing...?

Then there's the movie with that city in the clouds:

No, really! I've seen this! In a real movie theater! On a real movie screen! Sure, it was 1997, but, hey, I've seen it AND embarrassed each and every one of my friends that came with me as I shushed R2D2 (so cute and roly poly) as he was trying to sneak down the corridor past all those Michelin guard people.

And of course I flitted excitedly across the room when I caught sight of Twiki!

"Unfortunately", it was my robot impersonation and random blurtings of, "bidi-bidi-bidi" that finally got me beamed to that nice warm coffee shop down the street.