Tuesday, June 26, 2012

This Is A Rerun Because Jon Is Lazy

So, there I was, on the verge of posting the most awesome post ever another mediocre post last night all about hamburgers made from cows, Wil Wheaton and coffee. (Yes. Again.)  All I needed was Jon to splice one tiny (3 minute) video with another minuscule (2 minute) video and  maybe cut a few scenes or something here and there, add a picture of my coffee cup and make it fly. I mean, not hard stuff. Obviously I'd do it myself, but funny penguin videos don't find themselves on YouTube. Someone has to do the hard work.  But, then, Jon got all lazy and started saying things like, "If you teach a man to fish" and other, stuff, which was followed by a bucket of computer words that in all probability* he made up just to confuse me.  So, now you are all stuck with a post I wrote in 2009 about my butt. (Yes. Again.) Blame Jon. I do.

*I totally just used a math word, and since math is like the purest form of logic ever invented, you have to believe me. Because that's how logic works. Or debate team.  One of the two. Either way I'm totally right. About something. Crapazoidal.  I think I just confused myself again.


I Need Rock Band Like I Need...

I don't like video games. I never have and I'm betting like a guy named Mr. Betmorethanyou at a greyhound track that I never will. I played Pac Man once-wait no, that was Ms. Pac Man-she's the one with the little bow on her head right? Yeah! I played Ms. Pac Man once at Pistol Pete's Pizza*. However, once I realized that after being killed by a dozen different ghosts (and evading none) that I received not a single ticket for my pathetic efforts I went back to skee ball and never looked back again.**

That is, until last weekend and the Rock Band party I was invited (read dragged) to. While I admit I rocked the vocals on Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl" it was really my bass skills on Steve Miller's "Rockin' Me" that I really felt I nailed it. Low slung guitar? Check. Head nod to the beat? Check. Hair in my face? Check. Most notes hit? Check. Basically I ROCKED! But did I get a single ticket to be used on cheap plastic toys? NooooooOOoooo! Instead I was immediately shuffled over to the drums for The Go-Go's "We Got The Beat". Seriously, if God had wanted me to use my hands and feet at the same time he would have given me an extra brain in my butt.

You know, like the Stegosaurus.

*Which, sometime after I left the Phoenix valley was sold to Peter Piper Pizza. Coincidence? I think not.

** Hey man, I got some AWESOME toys with those tickets! Like that plastic baton with sparkly rainbow ribbons on the end that all, um, fell...off. But I was the height of cool for at least five days!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Bumper Sticker Brainstorm

So, there I was, driving around the other day, when I pulled behind a van with like a thousand bumper stickers on it and I thought to myself, "Dude! This van is like Twitter and PinINterest rolled into one!* How awesome is that!?! It's like totally old school! Oooo.... I wonder if it has a turntable for a stereo!"

Because it was a real thing once!

And then, because it was double stamp day at my favorite coffee drive-thru, which meant I had no choice but to buy 16 more ounces of caffeine, I came up with my own bumper stickers!

Because a girl has to have dreams. That don't involve 54 inches of rain each year.
Because this is what Katie and Ellie have named our car.  Jon is thrilled. Obviously.
Because sometimes an awesome idea is outdated.
Because some days it's just true.
Because latte neglect is a real thing. Just not in my house.

Because it's the new AWESOME!

Just because it's true.
What would your bumper stickers say?

*With less elaborate cake pops, obviously.

Friday, June 1, 2012

I Feel Like This Should Start With A Warning


(Points to text above.) Hey! Look! It does!

See, Jon, in his quest to become the World's Geekiest Computer Person (Note: This may not be his actual job title, but, in my defense, I don't know what his actual job title is, so, it totally could be.  Plus, I used the word computer at least once, so my chance of being right is at least 88%, or 3 out of 4, you know, which ever's better.) accidentally bought an iPad, which is odd, because, obviously, in computer circles, Linux users and espresso sipping barefoot running shoe wearing Mac users don't mix.  And, since I'm currently the only one in the house with a pair of barefoot running shoes and an overwhelming need to caffinate myself at all hours of the day, I figured I was the one that was supposed to use the iPhone on steroids it. But everything looks weird on this blogging ap Jon downloaded, and this disconnected keyboard is kinda freaking me out because HOW DO THE LETTERS TRAVEL FROM THE KEYBOARD BUTTONS TO THE SCREEN WITHOUT THE SAFETY OF THEIR CABLE SLIDE!?! 


Hang gliding?


(Picks up keyboard and looks underneath.) Rabbit holes?

Dude. I am not eating anything this iPad puts in front of me, especially if it has an "Eat Me" sign on it.  (sips coffee)  Totally not falling for that one! (nods and waves to hookah smoking caterpillar sitting on a mushroom in the corner of the room)

Anyway, when Jon downloaded the ap he wanted to make sure I could do all the blog-type things I normally do. You know, like type words, link to videos and download pictures. Which, I guess was kind of a boring job, because when I opened up the iPad blogging ap there was a picture of a drunk kangaroo holding a bottle of beer. He may have also been wearing a pirate hat.  Or, I only wish he was wearing a pirate hat. (It's hard to tell sometimes.)  Aaaaannnnndddd, I didn't know how to delete it, so, that's kinda where the warning comes in.


(Points to text above.) Hey! Look! There is is again!

This post may contain an unintentional drunk kangaroo wearing a pirate hat. Or not.  (Again, it's hard to tell sometimes.) But just a picture of one. Not a real one.  Because that'd be insane! I mean, how in the world would a real unintentional drunk kangaroo wearing a pirate hat (or not) even get onto your computer without a direct cable slide anyway? Exactly.

And, come to think about it, this whole warning thing was probably way overblown. I blame Micheal Bolton's hair.  (Which, in retrospect, is kind of unfair, since it's really his 90s hair that should be blamed, not his current hair. So, maybe I should rephrase my blame. "I blame Michael Bolton's 90s hair." Which, technically, is correct, but is kind of awkward to say.) I mean, seriously, what's the chance of a photo of a drunk kangaroo wearing a wishful pirate hat showing up in this post anyway?



So, I guess I was wrong about that pirate hat.