This Is A Rerun Because Jon Is Lazy

So, there I was, on the verge of posting the most awesome post ever another mediocre post last night all about hamburgers made from cows, Wil Wheaton and coffee. (Yes. Again.)  All I needed was Jon to splice one tiny (3 minute) video with another minuscule (2 minute) video and  maybe cut a few scenes or something here and there, add a picture of my coffee cup and make it fly. I mean, not hard stuff. Obviously I'd do it myself, but funny penguin videos don't find themselves on YouTube. Someone has to do the hard work.  But, then, Jon got all lazy and started saying things like, "If you teach a man to fish" and other, stuff, which was followed by a bucket of computer words that in all probability* he made up just to confuse me.  So, now you are all stuck with a post I wrote in 2009 about my butt. (Yes. Again.) Blame Jon. I do.

*I totally just used a math word, and since math is like the purest form of logic ever invented, you have to believe me. Because that's how logic works. Or debate team.  One of the two. Either way I'm totally right. About something. Crapazoidal.  I think I just confused myself again.

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I Need Rock Band Like I Need...

Originally published September 21, 2009

I don't like video games. I never have and I'm betting like a guy named Mr. Betmorethanyou at a greyhound track that I never will. I played Pac Man once-wait no, that was Ms. Pac Man-she's the one with the little bow on her head right? Yeah! I played Ms. Pac Man once at Pistol Pete's Pizza*. However, once I realized that after being killed by a dozen different ghosts (and evading none) that I received not a single ticket for my pathetic efforts I went back to skee ball and never looked back again.**

That is, until last weekend and the Rock Band party I was invited (read dragged) to. While I admit I rocked the vocals on Bikini Kill's "Rebel Girl" it was really my bass skills on Steve Miller's "Rockin' Me" that I really felt I nailed it. Low slung guitar? Check. Head nod to the beat? Check. Hair in my face? Check. Most notes hit? Check. Basically I ROCKED! But did I get a single ticket to be used on cheap plastic toys? NooooooOOoooo! Instead I was immediately shuffled over to the drums for The Go-Go's "We Got The Beat". Seriously, if God had wanted me to use my hands and feet at the same time he would have given me an extra brain in my butt.




You know, like the Stegosaurus.






*Which, sometime after I left the Phoenix valley was sold to Peter Piper Pizza. Coincidence? I think not.

** Hey man, I got some AWESOME toys with those tickets! Like that plastic baton with sparkly rainbow ribbons on the end that all, um, fell...off. But I was the height of cool for at least five days!

Um, Hi.

I hate computers. No. Seriously. I was the only person in my dorm who brought a typewriter to college (come on, yes, it WAS electric!). I was reduced to tears in my high school Junior English class because I couldn't figure out how to turn the lab computer on (not that it took much to make me cry in those years). I once single handily broke the whole computer filing system at my college job*.

It all started when I saw a "Buck Rogers" rerun once when I was 10 and it was a light-a revelation-an awakening! Computers are planning on taking over the world! First, they will make themselves useful (obviously by replacing typewriters). Next, they will infiltrate themselves into every one's psyche (again, obviously cable television). Then they'll take over our brains (hello-cell phones-they are causing brain cancer people!). And finally,the evil motherboards will be just one step away from their Buck Rogers Utopian life where they become our government, our moral advisor, our judges. (Seriously, have you never watched this show?!?)

(You're still reading?? Past my uni-bomber rant and everything??? YAY!!)

With all that in my history, I'm sure you're thinking, "What are you here for? Get out of the blog world then! Go back to your bomb shelter, eat your cold canned beans and live your life in a smelly fog of "Little House on the Prairie" re-runs!" But, here's my confession: I can't. I have a toddler. Plus, I'm pretty sure my brain turned to mush two years ago, so there's not much for Dr. Theopolis to take over anyway. So, um, hi, or "biddi-biddi-biddi" whichever you prefer!

*No, I didn't dance to ABBA at my prom-how old do you think I am??