Saturday, January 31, 2015

Because There's A Super Foot Bowl Tomorrow

I am not a Seahawks fan.

Because I think Skittles are gross.

Of course I don't really understand what role the rainbow colored candy plays on the average Seahawks footballer's game day, but, judging from the cake I saw in the bakery case of our local QFC while I was grocery shopping this week, and this picture of this guy:

it's a pretty important one.

Now, before you get all #TBT up in my face, I'll admit it. Yes, in high school, I used to eat Skittles. And, I'm fairly certain this one time in the orchestra room, I said something along the lines of, "I love Skittles! It's like eating happiness in all the colors of the rainbow!"  Let's just put it down to experimentation with an unhealthy lifestyle, OK?  I mean, let's face it, we all did stupid things in high school.

Anyway, I was thinking that, what with the Super Foot Bowl coming up (GoogleGoogleGoogle Huh, look at that!) tomorrow, if I'm not a Seahawks fan, maybe I'm a (GoogleGoogleGoogle Yes, again.) Patriots fan!

No, seriously, hear me out. I once went to Philadelphia and do you know what I saw there? A statue of Benjamin Franklin's head completely made out of keys!

It was amazing! It was, literally, the most awesome statue in the history of statues! (Shut up, Michelangelo, no one was talking to you!) And, with Benjamin Franklin being considered one of the Founding Father's of our nation....

That's right.

You know where I'm going with this.

But then, I was on the Internet, and I read that House Key Franklin wasn't the original statue that was placed in front of that Philadelphia firehouse. There use to be one made out of pennies. And it could talk! A TALKING STATUE?!? DUDE! EVEN MICHELANGELO WOULD CONCEDE TO THAT AMAZINGNESS!

But Philadelphia broke it. 

So, now, I'll never be able to visit a talking statue.

That's right, Philadelphia, you just lost yourself one more Patriots fan. City of Brotherly Love? Pshaw! More like City Of No Talking Benjamin Franklin Statue So It's Not As Cool A City As It Use To Be. (That's right, you heard me Will Smith.)

I'd like to end my Super Foot Bowl post rant here. But I can't. Because, due to the indoctrination of our public school system, my kids are now rabid Seahawks fans.

As evidenced by their bedroom doors:

Which I didn't help decorate.

At all.


Which means, for the second time in two! years! (the agony of it all!), I will watch the Super Foot Bowl. With a book. And a pot of coffee. While wearing my "honest to goodness I bought it at a tailgate party outside of a real stadium" official football necklace. Because that's what supportive mother's have to do.

But I won't be wearing my football shirt.
You can thank Philadelphia for ruining that one Patriots.


  1. ummm.. love the post. confused about the Philadelphia and Patriots connection... but that's so you which works <3

    1. Dude. It's really bad form to come out as a Loyalist in this day and age. I'd watch out for large bags of feathers and barrels of tar...

  2. THIS HURTS MY EYES!!!! DO NOT PUT THE BUCKEYES IN THE SAME POST AS THE SEAHAWKS!!! (That is mixing sports.... and I HATE the Seahwaks... with a passion.)

    1. But, but, you TOLD me it was a football necklace! A real honest to goodness football necklace and that everyone would love me if I wore it and no one in Ohio would even guess that there was a vegetarian wandering around in their midst. It's like my invisibility cloak!

  3. (psst. The Patriots are New England's team. Pssst. Philadelphia is not part of New England. )

    *sigh* I really want to be in on this one, but I just keep feeling curmudgeonly. I don't like football, I don't like that my kid has to leave the zoo to go to a football pep rally, i just... I dunno, I can't get it to sit. Someone pointed out to me last night that if we have to have a football team, the Seahawks are pretty cool, and that is true. There seem to be a fair number of truly thoughtful role models on the team. I also think its fairly neat that the community is so involved; there is a real sense that we, as a community, are part of this success. (True? I dunno, but, I doubt the 12th man campaign is holding them back.) ... *sigh*, but I still haven't managed to convince myself to be In.

    1. (psst. I'm pretty sure my Social Studies teacher told us anything east of the Mississippi and north of the Mason Dixon Line was all glopped together, geographically speaking, as New England. Then again, I did go through the public education system, maybe I missed out on some pertinent info because I was attending a Cardinals football pep rally. psst. 60% of my knowledge of the Cardinals comes from watching Jerry Maguire.)

    2. guilty conscience tells me that I need to say that I made up that stuff about my Social Studies teacher.

      Because, see, I'm friends with my fourth grade teacher on Facebook (what if she sees my comment!!!) and she was nothing short of amazing!

  4. Mike, I think Jason confused her. He's a big Patriots fan, but now we live in Philly. It's the only possible explanation!! 😜 pssst, Philly lives their Eagles, PopUp!