Friday, February 27, 2015

Girl Scout Cookies: They Taste Like Feminism

I'm gonna let you in on a secret.

I don't like Girl Scout cookies.

It's not just those nasty Thin Mints either. (Then again, me and the ants, we regularly chant "solidarity sister", as we pass anything mint flavored.)  I think they all taste gross. Equally. Yes. All eight flavors. I think the chocolate tastes waxy. The shortbread is a hard hockey puck of sugar. And, with each bite of a Samoa, I can feel the trans-fat rushing straight to my arteries intent on building their blood circulation war machines of doom. The only cookie with any redeeming gastronomical qualities is the Do-Si-Do. But only because it's a sandwich cookie and I can do the twist and lick maneuver. Although, let's face it, Little Brownie Bakers were a bit too light handed with that bottle of artificial peanut butter flavoring.

I'm just gonna say it: Girl Scout cookies aren't a quality product.

But they could be worse.

I mean, have you tried the new flavor, Rah Rah Raisin this year? (shudder)

But it is Girl Scout cookie season and Katie? She's putting on her Brownie vest. She's knocking on doors. She's asking neighbors. She's counting boxes. Tracking money. Setting goals. Taking responsibility. That's right, she's selling Girl Scout cookies.

And, let's face it, that's kinda awesome.

But you know what else that means, right?  Exactly. I'm on the hook to buy a box. Or two. Or twelve. And, I will. I'll buy the cookies. I'll give them to my kids for dessert. I'll pack them in lunches, serve them at parties, bring them to pot-lucks. I may even eat one or two. But, that's because the Girl Scout cookies I'm buying don't taste like real butter, sugar and chocolate. (obviously) Nope. They taste like:

Carol Bellamy

Linda Chavez-Thompson

Venus Williams

Shari Lewis

Lucille Ball

Margaret Bourke-White

Sandra Day O'Conner

Laura Bush

Sally Ride

Queen Elizabeth II

And, let's face it, that is more than kinda awesome, it's full. On. Amazing.

So, what's your favorite flavor of Girl Scout cookie?

PS Girl Scout cookies don't literally taste like people. Because that's creepy. And immoral. And illegal. And all sorts of evil Hannibal Lector craziness. But I'm stickin' with my feminism flavor theory. Because it totally matches my earrings.


  1. side note: My friend ordered a box of the rah rah raisins and then ordered two more boxes after he downed them. just saying.

    1. There's crazy people that think Thin Mints are good too. Just sayin.