Friday, February 12, 2016

Mocking IKEA. MLA Style. Which Is A Lot Like Watching A UFC Fight, But More Exciting. Because There Are Page Numbers. And Shoe Racks.

IKEA! High five up high, man! You are really stepping up your game!


I use to have to log into my PinINterest account to mock interior decorating themes.

Because they didn't finish the quote.
And Charles Dickens is wearing his disappointed face. 
Which, you know, is fiiiiine. But, sometimes, you long for some unplugged, technology free mocking time. Like they had in the olden days.

Sitting around the tables at Wendy's. 

But, IKEA? Lately they've totally been filling that "let's be fully present while we mock" need!

"It's the little things that matter." (pg. 1)
Really? Are you sure about that, IKEA?

"Room for one more?" (pg. 59)

Everyone doesn't think so, IKEA.... 

"A well-oiled machine. A cleverly planned come-and-go area 
means that traffic can flow without pile-ups." (pg. 110)

Unless there's a toddler in the house.

Going to the bathroom.
Pretty much better than nature. (pg. 141)


No. No. It's not. Shut up, Nicolas. (pg. 107)

This is, like, the best "go to" motto for the bathroom. Ever.
(That was sarcasm, IKEA. Don't be fooled.) (pg. 144)

Look, IKEA, deep down-
-deep down no one loves their significant other this much.
So,  just remove your "awake" zone from
my "sleep" zone and no one will get hurt.
Yeah, yeah, I love you too.
Now, shhhh.... I'm sleeping. (pg. 155) 

"For days when you look less than fabulous-
a pretty net curtain comes between you and your reflection." (pg. 121)
Step back, Willis.
I think IKEA just called us all ugly.

And this face?

This face thinks that is one ugly chair.
Because two can play at that game, IKEA. (pg. 310)

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