When Mac and Cheese Attacks: As You Like It: A Critic's Review. An Impartial One. Like A Review Siskel and Ebert Would Have Written If They'd Had A Child

Thursday, May 31, 2018

As You Like It: A Critic's Review. An Impartial One. Like A Review Siskel and Ebert Would Have Written If They'd Had A Child

Katie's class performed As You Like It last night. Yes, the play by THE William Shakespeare. With the real words and everything! Now, I don't know about you, but when I was in 5th grade I was steadily reading my way through the complete collection of Sweet Valley High and the only stage presence I had was as Minister #2 in The Emperor's New Clothes. I certainly wasn't lying in wait each evening for when my mom would wander upstairs and start yelling things like, "Dirty socks on the floor! Here! Right! Here! Seriously! Why can't you- And DID YOU PEOPLE EVEN HANG UP YOUR WET TOWELS? NooOOooo! Goodness gracious chiiiiiildren, go, go, GO! DO THE THINGS I ASKED YOU TO DO LIKE TWELVE TIMES ALREADY!!!" just so I could look her dead in the eye (the eye, peeps) and say, "Your gentleness shall force more than your force move us to gentleness." *tsk* Cheeky child, I tell you.

But, my offspring's Shakespearean insubordination aside, I was quite impressed with the quality of the performance last night. It was presented "in the round", with minimum props. However, the sparsity of the props, I thought, helped us to focus more on the actors and the flow of Shakespeare's iambic pentameter rather than boom boxes, Cabbage Patch dolls and Rubik's Cubes.

Because.

Duuuudes!

The play was themed 80s! No joke. It was tubular. I mean, it was like the story arc of all 5 seasons of Saved by the Bell plus the made for TV movie Saved by the Bell: Wedding in Las Vegas. For cereal. Now, before you literary zeeks are all, "What's your damage, Martha? I mean, like, gag me with a spoon, they are totally not the same, let's bounce." Take a chill pill. I think it works.

First, let's introduce the characters of As You Like It and their Bayside High doppelgangers:

Rosalind

beautiful, a leader, quick witted, the intellectual heroine of our story

aka Jesse Spano

Celia

sweet, devoted, the moral heroine of our story

aka Kelly Kapowski

Duke Senior

a kind fair-minded ruler who is easily tricked out of his power

aka Mr. Belding

Duke Frederick

spiteful and petty, would steal power at any chance he gets, and he does

aka Mr. Tuttle

Orlando

strong, handsome, but also brave and chivalrous

aka AC Slater

Touchstone

the jester, witty but is always underestimated by his friends

aka Samuel "Screech" Powers

Oliver

rich, petty, jealous, let's face it, kind of a jerk, who somehow gets everyone to like him in the end

aka Zack Morris

Homefry, I kid you not, these characters totally fit right into the plot of As You Like It too. It's legit, man.

The Plot

As You Like It

aka

Saved by the Bell

So, you have this kingdom (Bayside High) where Duke Senior/Mr. Belding, the kind, fair-minded ruler has been banished by the spiteful and petty Duke Frederick/Mr. Tuttle to the Forest of Arden (aka The Max). Also, there's this guy, named Oliver/Zack Morris who comes up with this crazy get rich scheme that will only work if his brother Orlando/A.C. Slater wrestles Hulk Holgan or The Macho Man or someone. Spoiler Alert: The scheme doesn't work. But, after witnessing Orlando/Slater totally beat down this other muscle-y guy, Rosalind/Jesse Spano is all, "Oooo, Orlando/Slater is choice. He's more than a meat head jock. He's brave, chivalrous, and smart too." and falls in love with him. But, then Duke Frederick/Mr. Tuttle banishes Rosalind/Jesse and her cousin Celia/Kelly Kapaowski to the Forest of Arden/the Max as well!

And that's when things start to get all mental. Because, like, everyone is eventually hangin' at the forest/the Max doing all sort of mondo weird stuff like pinning notes on trees and dancing to Endless Love by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie. (I know, gag me with a spoon.) I mean, you have Rosalind/Jesse, disguised as a boy, roaming the forest with sweet, devoted, good natured Celia/Kelly and their goofy, and always underestimated sidekick, Touchstone/Screech Powers. There's Orlando/Slater wandering the forest trying to avoid the fall out from Oliver/Zack's evil get rich scheme, and there are a bunch of other people in the forest with their own side stories-who we'll just call Maxwell Nerdstrom, Violet Ann Bickerstaff, Louise and Ox.

In the end, after much high jinx, Duke Senior/Mr. Belding is re-instated as Principal. Rosalind/Jesse and Orlando/Slater are going steady. Touchstone/Screech doesn't end up with anyone, but, let's be honest, he never was going to. And, of course, Oliver/Zack shows up at the end and is all, "Psych! I'm a good guy now! No more of those crazy mental get rich schemes for me anymore. I'm totally gnarly now guys. Can we be friends?" And, do you know what everyone says? They say, "Dude! You are so forgiven. We all think you're the bombdigity now!" And then, Oliver/Zack and Celia/Kelly get married. Because, of course Zack gets the girl in the end.

It was, by far, the best rendition of a Shakespeare play I have, literally, ever seen in my life. For cereal.

But, there is a downside to all this mega bulk-o-rama-ness. A short run. Two shows, and it's gone. No more to be seen, appreciated, danced along to (note play list below). And, perhaps one could argue that it's exclusivity lent to it's awesomeness, but, I would disagree. Those kids earned each and every one of their five star review.