So... it's been... awhile... and while I could apologize and lay on the excuses thicker than a venti double mocha caramel frappaccino with extra whip* I'll just list some of the things you've all missed out on in the last few, um, months....
1) My neighbor's friends placed a naked mannequin on his carport roof, complete with John Wayne scarf and twinkle lights, and I CAN NOT BELIEVE I didn't take a picture-I know, I kick myself everyday....
2) It was fall, and my neighbor realized he didn't have any trees on his property, so he went and collected baskets full of maple leaves from someone else's yard and scattered it on his own....
3) A few weeks later, on a walk around the neighborhood, I adamantly denied being married to the weird guy who was raking leaves in a yard with NO TREES.
4) I wished my neighbor would do something weird for Christmas. Unfortunately, all he did was drape his picket fence in real pine garland and place real votive candles on every post that he lit nightly. Too pretty to mock, even a little, and I tried, I really tried.
5) I began vomiting every two hours from approximately September through the beginning of December.
6) Near the end of December, I post this on Facebook: Martha is once again bowing down to the porcelain god of pregnancy. Weirdly, the congratulations flowed in anyway...while the vomit continued to flow out.
7) My pregnancy superpowers grow even stronger this time around! Without eating a bite, not only do I know what all food looks like as vomit, I know what it will tastes like too!**
8) The Holiday Rat moved in. And, while I wish this was another Bing Crosby Christmas musical, it's really just a huge, smart, nasty, sneaking upstairs while we're asleep and pooping by my couch, 12 trap evading RAT. And while our rat last year may have eaten our dishwasher, at least it was stupid enough to dive head first into our peanut butter traps.
There's more, but, really, it all includes vomiting in one form or another, so it may be best if I just go watch Chuck....
*Which is a disgusting frou-frou drink that you will never see in my hands- unless I'm holding it for Jon.
** Jon HATES when I bring this up while having dinner with people....
And what a scary life you live..........
ReplyDelete