Saturday, May 1, 2010

Totally Inappropriate Thoughts

Inappropriate Thought #1
So, as you all are more than abundantly aware I am hugely pregnant* but at 37 weeks I expect a little more sympathy from Jon. But no. The man is insensitive enough to decide ONCE AGAIN to undergo major surgery just weeks before I go into labor. Seriously, I thought it was supposed to be ALL ABOUT ME now. When Katie was born he not only thought getting his knee scoped out (looked clean enough to me) was a good idea but that he'd change jobs too, with Kathleen only 6 weeks away! And then, yesterday he decides he has appendicitis, convinces a doctor to take it out and gets a nice cushy overnight hospital stay as well! What is that?! Also, is it in bad taste to save the bed urinal they sent Jon home with for Katie to play with at the beach this summer?

Inappropriate Thought #2
While I'm sure it's probably a federal crime for me to walk my hugely pregnant* belly past airline security in my 37th week (who knows how much explosive stuff I could be hiding in there), I can't help but wonder if I could get away with a spontaneous trip to Tahiti (or Phoenix) wearing this t-shirt:

Because what pregnant woman in her right mind would wear a shirt with not only a fetus on it, but one that welcomes fat jokes? (BTW I've wanted one of these since week 5. I guess Santa didn't get my letter again this year, gonna have to start standing in line at the mall to have a talk with the big guy. With fishing weights in my pockets.)

Inappropriate Thought #3
Bobbleheads. Specifically a Jesus bobblehead. Imagine, a whole Sunday School curriculum designed around:
He'd need a donkey of course.
And his twelve disciples.
I may not be a Star Wars fan, (although I did see that one with the city in the clouds) but even I can pick out Judas from this line up! Obviously it's the old guy.

I could even throw in a few Old Testament stories, like Samson

and Delilah
Which would have been a completely different story if Delilah had actually owned the Golden Lariat of Truth.

And lastly, Inappropriate Thought #4
Could I train my new infant to fetch this toy like a well trained border collie?
It's not like I won't toss them a Cheerio now and then. If they sit up and beg.

*"GET OVER YOURSELF ALREADY!!" (Yeah, yeah, I can hear you from here.)


  1. I think the world would be a more peaceful place if everyone had bobblehead dolls.

    Not so sure about the Darth Maul Disciple Theory, however.

  2. Jon just informed me that Darth Maul is the Satan looking guy-and really, you should be ashamed of yourself for such blatant racial profiling!

  3. I think bobbleheads are creepy....

  4. Uhu, uhu, uhu, uhu, uhu, uhu, uhu, uhu... (That's the Jesus bobblehead agreeing with you)

  5. it isn't racial profiling - he was the dark lord of the sith. not exactly mr. role model.

    plus he had problems with his TPS reports.

  6. I'm sure you weren't all sunshine, rainbows and on time TPS reports when you were in sixth grade either. (This may be a lame comment. Feel free to roll your eyes at my obvious lack of geekiness.)