Things I Did While On The Lam

Why was I on the lam? Because I stole this from IKEA:


Well, more correctly Jon stole it. But I guess since I was distracting the employees with a screaming Ellie and fit throwing Katie technically I'm an accomplice, and they'll send you to jail for almost holding a horse. Just look at poor Edmund Spangler. The world's largest yellow 59 cent bag and almost holding a horse? They're practically the same thing people! So we took off, blew the joint, hit the road, knocked over that peanut stand, jumped the train (we actually did this one literally) and ended up here:

(Do you hear the heavenly music too, or is that just in my head?)

Where I found the PERFECT book!!!


But, I didn't buy it* because I don't need these kind of images in my head:

"Terrifying new developments in robotics like the EATR, which powers itself on meat!!!!"

I'm doing just fine with my normal nightmares thank you very much! (Like the one where I find an extra foot growing out of Katie's head.) So I bought a book about zombies instead.

And after being drawn like a fly to a compost heap (also, interestingly enough, the name of the slice I ate**) to the local pizza place across the street from Powell's, I thought perhaps I had overreacted, just a little. I mean, it's IKEA not McDonald's, it's not like they're evil or anything. Of course, just to be on the safe side, the next time I'm wondering dazedly IKEA (the place is HUGE people!) I'm planning on looking less like:

and more like:

But just the bangs, because the rest of his hair is kinda freaky.

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*But you could, and then lend me your copy with all the scary pages ripped out.


**Come on. You know you want a bite of my vegan pizza!
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