Monday, August 2, 2010

The Post Where I Get Political

Instead of writing haiku's to Powell's for this post* I've decided to run for US Senate. (I thought about running for US Representative, but one of the candidate's is a karate instructor and I haven't watched "The Karate Kid" in a really long time and my crane kick stance is a little wobbly.) I realize I'm throwing my hat into the ring a little late in the race, but I totally think I'm qualified. Especially after reading through my voter's pamphlet last night.

The one that reads like a singles ad by a guy from Jupiter:
"Goodspaceguy loves beautiful stars in the sky and in the movies. People of Spaceship Earth are his family. If you google goodspaceguy, you'll find me and talented people who claim to be me, Goodspaceguy." -Goodspaceguy-

The one that's threatening in a weird hippie kind of way:
"BEWARE! My personal doctrine for business and politics speaks for itself. I am currently promoting an Amtrak Tour of America ala "Woodstock" style for the summer of 2011. How? I am not Joe the Plumber. BEWARE!" -Mike The Mover-

The one you thought was a legitimate candidate:
"I'll never stop fighting against the powerful on behalf of you and your families." -Patty Murray-

The one that thinks he can take over the world using his superior intelligence:
"Since other politicians value their positions more than anything else, they will ultimately follow the wishes of their voting constituency. Therefore, it will be necessary to provide leadership for a vigorous national movement in the press and every other media available." -James "Skip" Mercer-**

And, if they're going to try and take over the world, I figure I can too!

(prefers Sunny Days Sweepin' The Clouds Away)
Somewhere close to Seattle, WA Website:

Are you an approved candidate of your preferred party?
You'll have to ask Big Bird, he's the tallest.

What background and experience do you bring to this office?
I was educated in Arizona and live in Washington so I understand weather extremes. I received the highest score on my AP Government final in high school, so obviously I understand politics, although in class I tended to just agree with the girl sitting in front of me to avoid public speaking. I enjoy books and believe that computers will one day take over our brains and subject us to being their slaves and bringing them margaritas-or whatever computers like to toast with after taking over the world. I came to this conclusion after watching Buck Rogers-YOU SHOULD TOO! Ring watches are THE BOMB! And I plan to be the coolest 90 year old on my block some day.

If elected, what will be your top three priorities, and how will you accomplish them?
1) I will go backpacking, because once I'm a Senator they give you a nanny like right away and I'd REALLY enjoy some hiking time.
2) I'd spend the night in the White House because I'm too impatient to wait for Ellie to grow up and become president so I can find all the secret passageways and stuff like in "National Treasure."
3) I'd teach the world to sing and hand out M&M's to everyone that came to my office-unless I was stuck in one of those secret passageways or hiking through Virginia, then my nanny can do it.

Dude, vote for me because Jon already did.

*Books, more books to read
Swirly smooth caffeine for me
I could live well here
(You thought I was joking, didn't you?)

** "What are we going to do tonight, Brain?"
"The same thing we do every night, Pinkie. Try to take over the WORLD!"

*** I just got my hair cut. Now Don Music and I are like twins! Last time I let Ernie cut my hair....


  1. I would totally vote for you if I lived in your state!! Are those really quotes from people who are actually running?????? Cause that's really scary....

  2. Thats a lofty goal, cuz there are quite a few 90 year olds in your neighborhood ;)

  3. True, but I'll be the only one who's run for US Senate AND wears a watch ring, so obviously I'd be WAY cooler than them.

  4. Don Music!!!! I was watching some show with a special appearance by Lady Gaga and I kept thinking "she looks just like that crazy piano guy on Sesame Street". Now I know his name - thank you!

  5. Breezey- I totally responded to your post this morning while sitting in a coffee shop pretending to play chess with Katie. Stupid technology....

    Feel free to vote for me in your state, as long as they hand over that nanny I'm good. Appalachian trail here I come!

    And, yeah, those are real candidates. I even left out dome. It's also just the ones running for senate.

  6. Some! I meant some! Stupid Buck Rogers technology.

  7. Rebecca- Ooo! Then my hair looks just like Lady Gaga's! Wait. Is that better?

  8. I was gonna say, I'll totally vote for you, or pay people with MnMs to do it for me.