Monday, August 16, 2010

Unmoderated Comments From My Head

On Dreaming In English
I've been having this urge the last couple days to use the word pisser, as in, "He's such a pisser." It's probably the Hugh Grant dreams I've been having where he walks around with his hands in his pockets, very Cary Grantish, and says things like, "He's such a pisser." Maybe. But I haven't said it because with my luck it's one of those really bad English swear words that sound funny but aren't* and I'd probably blurt it out at the park and there'd be a huge convention for English Nannies of Highly Impressionable English Children. Because they have those. A lot. Like all the time.

* You know, like bloody and cheerio.

On Gardening Ethics
I was grumpily watering the flowers, trees, shrubs and stuff outside because it was going to be a really hot day-like 88 (quit snickering desert people) and I realized I only watered the plants I liked. Hydrangea? Nice long drink. Stupid poky Ponderosa wanna be shrub? Barely a sprinkle. Then I remembered the very LOUD newborn baby pooping that woke me up at 5:30 and the whining three year old that followed at 7 when I headed downstairs and I smiled as I giddily played with the thought of applying my gardening ethics to parenting.**

**It's called dark humor people. You know, like this:

On Aliens Taking Over The World
I found a death threat from aliens posted at the coffee shop. Thank goodness they want chai and not coffee! Otherwise I'd have to learn how to play a video game like Space Invaders or Tetris to defend my coffee-I MEAN WORLD! No country! Um, fellow man...? Ah, crapazoidal. We all know I mean my coffee. My gorgeous, dark, highly caffeinated, keeps me awake in the middle of the day and all the hours on either side, creamy, delicious coffee.... (sigh)

I think there were more comments stashed somewhere in my head, but I can't find them because I've run out of coffee and the buzz is wearing off from my cappuccino flavored plumping lip gloss.


  1. Once again wishing we lived closer for so many reasons. I heart Martha.

  2. Awwwww, thanks!
    Of course now I feel the need to make some comment about how I'm so much more endearing 1,500 miles away. Like a hippopotamus.