Saturday, March 12, 2011

This Week Didn't Even Throw Me An Obligatory Papaya. How Messed Up Is That?

I've spent a fruitless week. Not only have more days gone by where I've spent more time cleaning toilets than being outside running like a wounded gazelle through waist deep snow, I've also failed to create a fake sister named Betsey on Facebook in order to peg all past, present and future sisterly weirdness on. Nor have I figured out how to rid my Wally the Owl puppet of his menacing glare.
Dude just looks like he's going to wallop me over the head with those flowers.

I've also proved my laziness in my failure to sign up for a FREE Franchise Information Seminar to "Find out how the global leader in convenience retailing makes it easy to run my own business!" I mean, their ICONIC PRODUCTS (aka Slurpees!) alone would do all the work for me.
Don't worry, I derogatorily nicknamed myself "Lazy Slurpee Butt" for you, 7-Eleven. You're welcome.

I even searched through thousands of pictures on Amazon, Ebay, Craig's List, Etsy and Google Shopping and all I have to show for it is this lame picture:

I tried so hard to find you all your own copy of my epically awesome TURKEY! poster. The fact that this lame-o turkey poster costs $289.99 makes me once again appreciate the perfection and iconicness of my TURKEY! poster. (Like I ever stopped!) Then, I felt bad for all of you. Because, as Katie and I agree, what makes TURKEY! so awesome is the fact that some artist had the brilliant idea to print the word TURKEY! across a picture of a turkey.

Because, let's be realistic here people, without that? It's a totally stupid poster. So, here's the deal. I give you permission to download my TURKEY! poster picture and blow it up to at least 20X40 (feet), frame and hang it over your living room couch. But here's the catch. If you do, you have to send me a photo and/or $289.99 or I'll send Wally the Owl after you, and dude, guy just got wicked scary.


  1. did I miss a post????? I love slurpees!!! They are like kleenex...a product that transcends the brand name. I think you should go after the iconic choice of careers! We don't have a 7-11 here in Columbus (I think)...

  2. I received another 7-11 flyer in the mail this week, so I'm thinking they must want my vegetarian skill set real bad!