Monday, March 21, 2011

An Unintentional Transformers Reference And A Lack Of Baseball Knowledge (And Those Are The Post's Good Points)

I am currently choosing between showering and writing up a blog post. I could do both, I suppose.......... But, really, who do I think I am? Super Blogger and Good Personal Hygiene Woman? I mean, that's just a lame premise for a superhero, and, the name? Doesn't really roll off the tongue, or strike fear into an evil villain's heart. Wait. Do super villains even have hearts? Or do they get that from OZ? Man, this paragraph stinks like my armpits tomorrow morning. I'm such a Justice League of America poser. It's pretty obvious I was more enamored with Little House on the Prairie than Wonder Woman as a child, isn't it?

And, on that note of my momentary lapse in my cleansing regimen aka things you didn't want to know about me, I'm sharing more. Yep! A whole list of things I'm hiding from the world, in fear of their subsequent mocking and judgement. And, since we're besties, you and I, I'm confident there will be no jeering at my buffoonery*.

1. I've been to Forks. And had my picture taken in front of Bella Swan's house. And the police station.

2. I liked to pet saguaros when I was growing up.

3. The last time I changed the oil in my truck was just before Katie was born. She turns four next week.

4. I hide organic toaster pastries (read Pop-Tarts) and eat them like the Cookie Monster after the girls are in bed.

5. Jon doesn't know where I hide the Pop-Tarts. And if he knows what's good for him, he won't go looking either. (insert menacing Don't-Touch-My-Coffee-Or-Secret-Pop-Tarts-Glare here) Seriously. I know where you sleep.

6. I joined Fly Lady. Then one night while I was shining my sink I realized it had turned me into Petunia Dursley.

7. The only movies I've seen in four years have been either about teenage vampire angst or adventuring teenage wizards.

8. I had my Sunday school kids turn a Bible verse into a Mad-Lib:
In addition to all this, lift up the shield of faith, with which Bobby can fart all the holy cats of the green one.
Ephesians 6:16.
And while the class and I rolled on the floor in a fit of uncontrollable tittering I dubbed that morning as the BEST SUNDAY SCHOOL LESSON EVER!

9. I daydream about my old lavender bicycle with the white walled tires and six inches of padding on it's extra wide seat during each and every bike ride during triathlon season.

10. I started a blog and in a week full of stress and double ended projectile fluids, I wrote this list.

One million, billion, cajillion, wazzooillion points, a box of mac and cheese and the realization that you are the most awesome bestie EVER to the first person to correctly guess which of my deep dark secrets I am the most ashamed to have flung up on the megatron that is the internet. No bonus points for original submissions.

*I wanted to say "there will be no jeering at my siamangery" but apparently doesn't recognize siamangery as a word. Batty, right!?! That's why I think their site is run by a bunch of benighted zoological iguanoramooses. (This is the height of my animal related humor.)


  1. I LOVE your literally Laugh Out Loud (worth wayyyy more than the lame LOL things usually get) blog. I have a Forks t-shirt but haven't been there....oooooooooo...retreat....Seattle...when is that again???? I am forced every six months into changing my oil by my husband even though I take down the sticker reminder about 2000 miles past the reminder. I have not seen ANY vampire teen angst movies but I did read all the books. I also joined FlyLady but never shined my sink that house is still a disaster. :) (I vote that you joined FlyLady is the one you are most ashamed of....or that you wrote the list..)

    I miss you!!!!


  2. Nope! Not FlyLady, or the fact that I wrote the list (that would be a cop out choice anyway, on my part).

    As for retreat, somehow I'm thinking driving three hours to gawk at Dr. Cullen's parking space at the Forks Hospital (true) is going to be voted down! However, if you want to stay a few extra days, I'll get a possy together (read you, me, Katie and Ellie) and we'll gawk the town from parking space to the Jacob Black's house on the reservation!

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  4. THERE'S A JACOB BLACK HOUSE ON THE RESERVATION??? That's too cool...we'll just have to take our own "trip for coffee" at some point. :) No one will want to go with us for that!

    :) Bree

  5. Ummm.... Are you Team Jacob? Because, if you are, you're sitting in the back with Katie.