Thursday, June 9, 2011

W-H-I-N-E-Y Doesn't Spell Whiny. Thank You Spell Check. That Could Have Been Embareaceing.

In case you missed my bicycle butt reference in the last post, this month is the beginning of another season of triathlon training. Now, not to be all whiny, but if there is one section of the triathlon I dislike the most, it would be the bike. There's just so much stuff you need: bike, helmet, um, water bottle holder thingy.... OkaaaAAAaaayyyyy, fiiiIIIiiinnne. (That was not whiny. Believe me. This is whiiiIIIiiinnnNNNyyyyy. Oh. Wait. My bad. That was totally whiny.) Anyway, you're right. It's my butt that dislikes the bike. Because, man, those seats are tiny! And hard! And I don't think those fashionable padded shorts help as much as they should. But don't get alarmed, I'm not going to be constantly talking about my butt this summer. Mostly because I can just hear you guys now, "Awwwwww.... reeeaaallly? Bob, Martha's still talking about her butt! Wanna watch that documentary on the National Debt again? At least that has Humphrey* Bogart in it." And, unless you're Jon, sitting through that movie once is plenty. Or, unless you're me, then, sitting through Jon explaining the movie once is enough.

And, in case you're not me, this was Jon's synopsis: "Yadda, yadda, yadda. National Debt is huge. 16 billion dollars. Yadda,yadda, yadda. Bush II made some really bad fiscal decisions. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Already balanced budget. Yadda, yadda, yadda. Unless we start saving money and socking it away in offshore accounts and buy our own private island, and name it Isle Esime, then we'll end up living in a place like District 12 and sending Katie to fight to the death just for a handful of quinoa and a cake of paraffin wax.**" My mind may have wandered during that last point, but, it was early and I don't see how can I be expected to pay attention before my morning coffee has hit my brain. Then again, I couldn't really hear him over all the smack talk my butt was throwing out.***

Oh, and by the way, sorry for all the 'butts' in this post, but last week Jon said that using the word 'butt' sounded crude and I told him I wasn't being crude, I was being edgy. And, as a woman who currently has 12 Sesame Street books memorized, I figured I needed to cultivate all the edginess I could find. Besides, if you think this is edgy, you should totally read my butt's blog.****

*Who names their kid Humphrey anyway?

**Note to self: Work on Katie's woodswomen skills and start teaching her hand to hand combat.

***Because, Dude, my butt is loud!

****Sorry to disappoint you but my butt doesn't have a blog. Waaaaiiiitttt! Maybe I mean yet. Hmmmm......


  1. better watch it, or this can happen to you too:

  2. Hmmmm..... Seems I have a little research to do! I'll pick it up at the library this week! Thanks!!

  3. I love that you managed to reference both Twilight and Hunger Games in the same post about tri-training! :)

    As a fun my job, I am in District 12. LOL.

  4. Dude. That's not a fun note. That's a scary note. You are stockpiling nonperishables in your basement, right?