Tuesday, June 14, 2011

This Is Where Being A Concerned Non-Self-Absorbed Spouse Will Get You*

So, the other night, there I was, tucked away in the furthest corner of the family room, hiding from my kids, and, well, Jon, because, if I don't hide, people, I'd actually have to help bathe, change, brush and read my children ready for bed and, anyway, I had way more interesting things to do. (Quit judging me.) What, you ask? Oh, tons of things. Very important things. Things like, trying to choose which picture to have printed on my personalized M&M'S**.

I could go with quirky and embarrassing:

Or, my candy could be an artistic triptych about that time I realized I needed a brain in my butt:

Or I could commendate that time I was a fashion trend setter:

Or I could go with just plain awesome!

Then, before I could really sit down and hash out a firm decision, Jon found me.

Jon: Um, Martha? I think I need to go to the ER.
Me: (flipping between pics on my computer) Ha. Ha. Funny. Funny. You threw out all my Lounge Lizard Esssspressssooo LooOOoove Gu weeks ago.
Jon: No. Really. I think I'm having an allergic reaction to something.
Me: (still flipping) It was probably the Sliders you had a work. I think the cows are implementing some sort of covert biological warfare tactics now.
Jon: (sighing) Fine. I'll drive myself.
Me: (finally turning around) Holy Bumpy Tomato! What did you eat?!?

And, six hours later, with Jon full of intravenous drugs, we're home. Something good did come of the night, however. I picked a photo for the M&M'S:

Printed on the red ones of course. Because grotesquely personalized M&M'S are for everyone. (Don't worry. You looked nothing like this, Jon. And, you can trust me on that, because, as you can see, I typed that with my concerned spouse facial expression intact.)

*It will also get an unconcerned self-absorbed spouse to the same place. But one of them comes with candy!

**For reals:


  1. According to the spouse for whom you were concerned you were amazing! After reading this blog, I've rid my shelves of all Gu or meds with expired dates. Maybe Jon really does have something there. - Uhm ... about the M&M picture - was that the top choice available? It seems a little conservative :-)

  2. I'm still not convinced it wasn't the cows, personally.

    As for the M&M'S photo, if we're talking edgy, I could go with the photoshopped one of me in a cozy embrace with the Edward Cullen doll, but it's all fuzzy.

  3. Somehow I missed the last three posts, so I just spent the last 15 minutes giggling maniacally in front of my computer at work. Totally worth the "rubber room" comments from my coworkers.

  4. Glad you got all caught up, Beth!