Tonight, as Jon and Katie are
enduring enjoying their annual trip to the Nutcracker, complete with fancy clothes and dinner out at the Family Pancake House, and Ellie is tucked cozily and grumpily in her "I'm a BIIIIIIG girl I go too!" bed, and I sit here, glass of wine in hand (on second taste this may be the expired pomegranate juice from the back of the fridge..*sip*... eh. wateves.), I bring to you
The Comprehensive List Of The Worst Christmas Gifts To Be Found On A Single Shopping Trip To Fred Meyer With A Two Year Old
1) Half a set of footie pajamas. For men.
2) A spoonstraw. Because milk with floaties in it was NEVER meant to be drunk.
|Didn't we all learn our lesson with the spork?|
3) Finger lights. For those times you want to pretend to be Edward Scissorhands but can't get the nagging voice of your first grade teacher yelling, "Stop playing with the scissors" out of your head.
4) A coffee cup that lets you catch that first glimpse of your "Crapaziodal! We're late for school again! Everyone to the car! Where's your lunch bag? What do you mean it's show and tell day? ELLIE PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON!" morning face. You know. The pretty one. The one before your first cup of coffee.
|In attractive zebra stripe.|
|But it's BPA free! It must be totally safe!|
6) For the special person in your life that needs some comfortable footwear to go with their favorite sock monkey pajamas.
I own sock monkey pajamas.
These slippers are totally awesome!
7) Your own personal desk top style cotton candy machine! For those 2:30 in the afternoon feelings!
|Oh. Wait. That's what grown ups are supposed to use coffee for.|
8) Nausea. In a stripy stick shape.
9) Twinkies. On a stick.
|There's a reason the makers of Twinkies went bankrupt. And it's not because they forgot the sticks.|
10) The Keurig.
What's the worst gift you've come across this year?