Thursday, December 5, 2013

UPDATE: Teach Your Children Well, Because We All Know I Didn't Learn It The First Time Around

I was never very good at math. In fact, teeeeechnically, if you insist on using a traditional grading system,  I never learned my 6, 7, and 8 multiplication facts. And I only passed my 9s because my best friend taught me that finger trick, which, has seriously, been invaluable in my day to day life. And really, I'm not sure how I actually passed third grade math, let alone earned a college diploma in Elementary Education that says I'm competent enough to teach the subject.  So, you can imagine my absolute delight when on the day of my marriage to Jon I realized that not only did I marry a pretty awesome guy (yadda, yadda, insert heart warming mushy gushy stuff here) BUT I now had my own live in human calculator! The bliss! The joy! Never to have to figure out how much to tip a server again! Never have to add fractions while doubling recipes! Percentages! Areas! Averages! Means! Exponential Models! Periods of a periodic function! Directrixations of parabolas! FOCAL RADII! The idea of all that bonus marital mathematical freedom was absolutely intoxicating!

And short lived.

Because, apparently, Jon doesn't appreciate random equations being verbally lobbed into his "internal intellectual space". He also doesn't appreciate it when I try to pass off phrases I make up, like "internal intellectual space" for example, as something he's said. However, if I've learned anything in this past decade plus of marriage, it's that it's all about compromise. Jon.

I'm sure you can imagine, and sympathize with, the awkward social situations I have had to, literally, struggle through these past years. And, no, your imagination is not exaggerating, it has been that bad. But, then, at the store yesterday, as I was hoisting on my grocery filled backpack (with a very womynly grunt)  and wondering how heavy it was and dreading the tediousness of all the math I would have to do by myself when I got home, adding up the weight of each and every item, I realized, dude, this is what I had kids for!

So, when Katie got home from first grade, I had this SUPER FUN MATH PROJECT waiting for her on the kitchen table:

Mommy and Eleanor went to the store to buy groceries.  When mommy checked out and loaded all the groceries in her backpack she said, "MAN! This backpack must weigh 637 pounds!" Was mommy right?  If not, how heavy was her backpack? Use the table to solve the problem. 
And, with a smile, that girl sat down at the table and totally figured it out!   

Dudes. I'm soooo getting that human calculator!

You know the old saying, "A calculator doesn't make you smarter, just prettier"? Let's just say, I used a calculator to check Katie's work and my eyes looked completely amazing while doing so. My hair was shiny and bouncy too.


  1. Aren't kids wonderful? She did a great job and your backpack WAS really heavy :-)

    1. My kids are TOTALLY wonderful!

      Although, unfortunately it will probably be another year or two until she's able to check my math after I have checked HER math....