Saturday, August 30, 2014

Welcome To My Totem Pole Of A Life

Do you know what totem poles have?
Right, tops.

And, you know what they also have, right?
(Insert knowing stare and one raised eyebrow here.)

Dude. I can totally see your expression from all the way over here and I raise your exasperated "Martha, again?" sigh with my famous piqued look. Wait. PERFECT PLAN!! Is there such a thing as a facial expression poker series? Because, you and I, we'd totally be a lock. Or, we'd completely draw thin during the frenzy that happens when one of us plays the chameleon. Just kidding. I'm totally coffeehousing you*.

The Scene: Yesterday. In the car. While I was driving the kids to get pizza. For dinner. After playing at the splash park. For five hours.

Katie: (looking up from her book) Mom?
Me: Yes?
Katie: (sweetly) You're the best mom ever.
Ellie: (Interrupting. Like a chicken. It's a thing. You can Google it.) NO SHE'S NOT! BELINDA IS!
Katie: (in her, I'm-Right-Voice) No. Mom is the best mom ever.
Ellie: (Interjecting. Like a chicken. But don't bother Googling it. Interjecting chickens is not a thing. Because the Internets is boring like that.) NUH-UH! BELINDA IS! WENDELL TOOOOLD ME SO!
(FYI: Wendell is Belinda's son.)
Katie: (eye roll, continuing, in her explaining voice) It's just something you say, Ellie.

And, because I've seen this article floating around Facebook, this totally means I'm kicking Belinda's butt in the the mommy wars. Right?
Um, Dudes, RIGHT!?!

OK, fine, there's a dessert in it for you if you just agree with me here people.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Feel free to blast "We Are the Champions", because I totally am. (But not you. Belinda.)

And, because I follow through on my promises:

Enjoy. I just saved you 11 grams of unnecessary sugar. 

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