New Year's Resolutions Aren't Real Unless You Write Them Down. I Wrote These Down. Logic Says?

There are two ways to write your New Year's resolutions. One, you could sit down and think about all the ways you could improve yourself and/or the world around you, write it down, keep the list in a place you see it every day and then make a plan to accomplish your goals.

Or...

You could realize you recently spent three days (straight*) wearing the lounge wear that Fred and Ginger gave you for Christmas:

And!

Then!

Claim everything you've done in that lounge wear (while sitting at the kitchen table steadily eating your way through two loaves of homemade pumpkin nut bread) as New Year's resolutions. Completed ones. Guys? I'm totally crushing this year!! Just like Hulk Hogan in Santa With Muscles! Which is an awesome Christmas movie I made my whole family sit and watch this year. Side note: My parents, my sister and my nephew gave the movie two thumbs up, so, sorry not sorry, Jon, because it's now a Christmas tradition, so you can quit being all Scrooge-y about it.

New Year's Resolutions 

Made Into A List

Like An Adult

CRUSHED Resolution #1:

Clear out my email inbox of all unnecessary emails.

That's right, I deleted over 3,000,000,000 emails,dating back to 2009, when gmail sent me one of those threatening messages that say, "Dude. How lazy are you!? I. Am. Not. Kidding. If you don't delete some emails soon we're cutting you off. No more sending, no more receiving of ANYTHING! I mean, look at this, Groupon has sent you approximately 123,452 emails asking you to buy all these cool things like airport parking, hot yoga classes, and Beaugenix blackhead removing peel-off masks and you haven't opened a single one. I can see you through this laptop camera you know, and you could use at least two of those things! It's like you don't even want to improve yourself, 'kay? Just delete them. Delete them NOW!"

CRUSHED Resolution #2:

Clear out my Google photos of all bad pictures.

Yeah. Google. They're playing all creepy stalker guy this month and sent me a similar message about my Google photos. Because, apparently, Google doesn't think I need the photo story from 2010 when Katie insisted the one thing Daddy wanted for his birthday was a blue cake with a purple ear on it:

**

*tsk* Whatever, these pictures are Au family lore. Yeah, that's right, Google Photos-they're gold.

Although, truthfully, all the pics Katie took with my phone of the inside of our car on that road trip back in 2012? Yeah. totally not Au. More like Uuh***. You were spot on there, Google.

CRUSHING Resolution #3:

While deleting things. From my Google accounts. And eating pumpkin bread. In lounge wear. Bright pink fuzzy lounge wear. With hearts on them. Binge watch the TV show The Mysteries of Laura.

She's a cop! She's a mother! She pulls her gun at the playground and arrests muggers rather than standing around scrolling through Facebook like the rest of us! I'm 18 episodes in and I probably don't need to watch the rest of the season, but, let's face it, I'm totally going to. Because when you don't give up on your New Year's Resolutions it shows for-ti-tude, dude. Besides my new lunge wear is like, super cozy and I don't think I want to change. Ever.

What New Year's Resolutions are you crushing this year?



*Don't judge me until you've wallowed a day in my warm and fuzzy lounge wear.
** I made Katie use a ruler to measure our ear picture, so we could "decorate the cake to scale." Please note:I don't know how to convert to scale, and I just eyeballed the whole thing. But she doesn't know that and the main point is...Math is Fun ! You can put it on a cake!
***Yes, it's a chemistry joke. No, I didn't run it by Jon first. Why do you ask?

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