Friday, March 2, 2018

Parenting Buzz Words and IKEA Catalogs

Perseverance.

Determination.

Resolution.

Tenacity.

Se~du~li~ty. (nudgenudgewinkwinkerwink)





These words are just synonyms for that word. You know the one. The one that's been buzzing around all the cool, engaged parental circles these days: Grit. And, yes, crazy dedicated PTA parents, I totally want my kids to grow up with that attribute. But the best bonus? I can totally use IKEA catalogs as a teaching tool!

(Did you just say, "What you talkin' about, Willis?" Dude. You. Are. So. Cool.*)

See, year after year, IKEA, sends me a 200 page catalog. It's a really nice gift, truthfully, because I can gather the children together on the couch, all cozy like in front of the fire, tuck us up in a blanket knitted by Grandma and poke fun at    mock   giggle  use it to enlighten the children on such a complex topic. Because, guys, it takes a lot of grit to keep sending out advertisement gems like:


Dude, IKEA, let's face it,
in my "cook like no one's watching" world
those pancakes are already the perfect combo of spatula and plate.
The rest is just more dishes I'm gonna have to wash later.
 

If, next, you ask me if my refrigerator is running, IKEA, we're done.
Done. 

"Heeeey....
So, listen, bae, like, I love you, you know I do, but...
and don't read too far into this...
but, in my perfect bathroom oasis fantasy?
There's a wall.
Between us.
Blocking me from seeing your face in the morning.
Don't be mad."

...with your cute wittle sinky-wink
and your flushy flush flush where we get to put our tut-tut.
You're the cutest. Yes you are. Oh, yes you are!

Because baby talk shouldn't be wasted on actual infants.


And, at the end of the evening, as the last page of the catalog is closed, and you look into your children's eyes, you can be sure IKEA's pictures have provided the experience base your children require in order to profit from this learning experience about true grit.

If they look back at you like this:








*That was respect. Not sarcasm.**



**It's true. I'm that dorky.***


***I'm sorry.

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