Tuesday, September 21, 2010

This Post Is For All The Conspiracy Theorists In The Room!

Me: (In my best Kris Kross voice) All you conspiracy theorists out there, can I get a WOOT!

You: (crickets)

Me: (Optimistically jumping like Kris Kross) How about a WOOT! WOOT!

You: ...um...woot?...

Me: Thanks guys. That's not embarrassing. Nooooooo. Not at all.

How "Major Credit Card Corporation"
Tried To
Kill Me

While headed out the door with my hands full of infant seat carrier, diaper bag, water bottle and Fuzzy Bear I lie to "Major Credit Card Corporation" about writing down their phone number to have Jon call them back. (I also do this to the blood bank when they call. Mostly because I'm evil.)

"Major Credit Card Corporation" knows I haven't given the message to Jon and calls back anyway. They speak for 20 minutes. "Major Credit Card Corporation" tries in vain to get Jon to tell them his birth date, the name of his first pet and the last four digits of his Social Security number. Jon tries to convince "Major Credit Card Corporation" that they are a scam. Neither the employee nor their supervisor agrees. Jon hangs up.

The girls and I go shopping for clothes that don't show off Katie's skinny little belly button where I DO NOT use "Major Credit Card Corporation's" card but do buy four shirts, eight pairs of socks and one pair of dress shoes with flowers.

We arrive at Roundish Table Pizza where their computers weirdly stop working just as we order. A diaper change, 1 1/2 personal pizzas, and a snack for Ellie later we try to leave. Because I'm not a kangaroo and therefore have to carry all my own baby crap (Yeah. Thanks God.) I can't seem to open the door labeled "To Remain Unlocked During Business Hours". For like five minutes. Eventually some employee* of the pizza place shuffles over and mumbles something about having a FREON leak and needing to lock the doors. So no one can leave. At all. Unless they wave their hands up in the air and wave them like they just don't care! (Sorry. That was a reference to my Kris Kross impersonation at the beginning of the post. It won't happen again. Probably. Or not. Your choice.)

So let me break it down for all of you who don't think Elvis is alive. (Which he totally is by the way. I saw a Inside Edition about it once in junior high.) We refused to give out personal information about ourselves to "Major Credit Card Corporation" so they took away the Internet and tried to KILL US ALL by creating a poisonous gas leak and barricading the doors at a pizza place we rarely go to. Yeah.... That moon landing is looking pretty suspicious the more I think about it.

*Or a "Major Credit Card Corporation Undercover Pizza Employee". Or a zombie. It was hard to tell.


  1. I'm not sure how locking you INSIDE while there's a freon leak is a good thing. Would have been nice to know before they locked the doors. Getting a little "Mama She-Wolf" over here.

  2. It would totally have been nice to know there was gas leak! I guess we aren't the only ones the Major Credit Card Company was trying to eliminate for refusing to give sensitive information over the phone this week!