Saturday, October 23, 2010

This Post Is Dressed Like A Dork For Halloween, But It Was Either This Or The Domino Costume Again

The night is dark, dank, and smells faintly of Dove Powder Fresh underarm deodorant. The power is out on your street and you sit struggling to read by the light of the fireplace wondering, "How did Abraham Lincoln do this? Between this, emancipation and the whole axe thing he's totally number one on my Greatest US President's list." Then you hear it. From the fireplace comes the faint tinny tones of, "You are the candle, loves the flame. A fire that burns through wind and rain.... Said I loved you, but I lied. This is more than love I feel inside..."


Bwahahahaha! Velcome to Halloveeeen! (gestures evilly with her hand for you to enter)

Three, count them, one, two, three! Bwahaha! Three things that give me the heebie-jeebies (besides Michael Bolton and power outages). Read them, IF YOU DARE!!

1. Stalkers.

Yeah. I found this on my car, people. At FRED MEYER! Seriously. Back off. And next time? Sign your name, please. Because if you're going to stalk me, turn about is only fair play.

2. Evil that comes with it's own controller.

"It's sucking our brains! It's sucking our brains!"
At least zombies can be decapitated with chainsaws. (And I mean real zombies, people. Not those fake ones in Tetris or the Indiana Jones Lego game. Geesh!)

3. The Droid phone commercials.
Let me show you.
First, this droid reference will give you nightmares.

While this droid makes you want to give him a big hug.
Shhhhhhhhh.... little guy! There's Michelin men around the corner!!

And just when you thought it was safe to dive into the Internets again....


  1. #2 is my favorite!!! It definitely sucks out your brain!

    I'm a little confused as to the Tetris reference. I recall many a day where Tetris turned me into a zombie but none where Tetris had zombies in them. ??? :)

  2. I've only played Tetris once. I assume the zombies are on a higher level because otherwise, what's the point of the game?

  3. LOL...there is no point to the game. You just play and play and play until you turn into a zombie with that music running through your head controlling you with its mind control subliminal messages.

  4. I knew it! Dang computers trying to take over the world turning us into mindless zombie puppets! It'll be a sad day when I must use my woodswomen axe skills for chopping evil instead of firewood. Thank goodness for Girl Scouts!

  5. frighten me. I don't remember learning axe skills at Girl Scouts. Was that the time where Scooby and I got stranded before precamp and were SUPER late?

  6. Pish! As if AZ would teach any Girl Scout axe skills! I found a picture book on axe skills put out by the Girl Scouts in like 1949 when I was working at camp in Colorado. I took one look at the book and said to myself, "I NEED me one of those!" I asked and I got. No one bothered to ask if I knew how to use it! I spent all my free time after that wandering camp with my axe slung over my shoulder cutting up wood for all the units. Ahhhh..... good times!

  7. Also, I think it's hilarious that it's my axe skills that scare you not the fact that I printed out a picture of Michael Bolton, taped it to my fireplace and took a picture of it to mimic the original music video for that song.

  8. Was it just for chopping wood or did you have ulterior motives in mind?

  9. It was Girl Scout camp, not a low budget horror film!