Thursday, November 25, 2010

My Thanksgiving Post About Chickens Because Turkeys Simply Don't Have The Gams For The Dance Moves I Choreographed

My town recently passed an ordinance that allows you to keep up to four chickens on your property. When Jon heard, his eyes lit up and he began to imagine the scritch-scratch of little chicken feet running around our backyard and a non hormone free range chicken dinner in his future. When I heard, my eyes lit up and I promptly named one Ticky and the other Tacky and promised to love them and hold them and squeeze them forever and ever and ever!

After 10 years of marriage we finally hit the traditional "I want a pet/I want to eat our pet" impasse.

Unfortunately, this means I will not be able to relate to you the crazy antics of Ticky and Tacky, the chorus line dancing chickens. However, it does mean that YOU can go find some cute little balls of yellow fluff, dress them in rainbow sequined gowns and teach them to peck to the tune of the Do-Re-Mi song from The Sound of Music. But keep your sticky fingers off my chicken names. (I'm giving you an intimidating glare here-just like the one you'd get if you tried to touch my coffee. Seriously. It's scary.) You never know, Jon may become a vegetarian any day now and get over this insane idea that he wants to eat the cutest and most talented chickens EVER and realize that computers are evil and will someday take over the world. He will then chuck it all to hike the Appalachian trail with me from terminus to terminus while performing our favorite show tunes from Glee with Ticky and Tacky in order to earn money to buy gallons of ice cream. We will then consume our massive amounts of Baskin-Robbins Gold Medal Ribbon in one sitting, wrapped in our smelly sleeping bags at the laundry mat, while we watch every stitch of clothing we own tossed against the window of the industrial sized front loading dryers. Dude. I think I just wrote my Christmas list!


  1. LOL. I can't wait to meet Ticky and Tacky.

  2. Unfortunately it is a dream that will never be, unless I can convince Jon to come over to the leafy green tofu side. I am however saving the world's most talented chickens from a tragic death by dumplings. PETA would be proud!

  3. You had me until the mentioning of Glee. Now I have no choice but to support Jon.

  4. Dude, you totally just lost a vegetarian card- they're like man cards but more environmentally responsible. I suppose Ticky and Tacky could learn some Beastie Boys, but that will require a costume change. Do they make backpacks for chickens?