Wednesday, April 6, 2011

I Almost Became One Of Them Or The Ghost Of Serious Posts Past

I've written posts in my head while driving. I've written posts in my head while switching laundry. I've written posts in my head while feeding kids. I've written posts in my head while stalking people on Facebook at 2:30 in the morning, and 3:30, and 4:30, and 5:30, and then stopped to yell at all my FBBFF's (internally, because just maybe the baby will go back to sleep again) to "POST SOMETHING! I'M BORED! AND CRANKY! AND SLEEPY! YOU MUST ENTERTAIN ME!" I've written posts sitting in the waiting room of the children's hospital while they wheel Katie into surgery. I've written posts while waiting for biopsy reports. And Cystic Fibrosis reports. And Crohn's reports. And celiac disease reports. I've written posts, but haven't published them, because, they were all, you know, serious and stuff. Not because I don't think you guys care, but, gosh golly gee willikers, but because sometimes my life is serious enough without getting all emo about it on the WWW*. If I did I'd have to use words like, "emotional roller coaster", "my heart has gotten a little sadder today", or "sending my prayers on the wings of a butterfly". (Blech! Blech! And, oh my goodness, did I seriously just write that?!) But, lucky for you guys, all the reports came back negative, the doctor removed a benign polyp and now I can go back to whining about running out of coffee, lack of sleep, and an excess of snot, vomit and tut-tut-tut in my life. I can also keep making fun of my enjoyment of teenage vampire phenomenon, morada siamangs, TURKEY! posters, technological knowledge, and pie. Yay!

What? I didn't tell you guys about the pie?


Sorry about that.

The Story With Pie

We had traveled seven sixtwoteen billion miles to go to Jon's cousin's wedding. Meaning, we drove. In our car. With Katie and Ellie. By the time we got there, my already limited brain functionality was limited even more. Like, whooooeeeoooo..... Yeah. Like that. Anyway, there was a wedding, there was sleeping in a hotel room with Ellie (the Up Every Two Hours Baby), Katie (the Sleep Moaner Groaner Thrasher) and Jon (the What? I'm Snoring? Again? Guy). There was hanging out at Jon's Grandmother's farm, where, yes, there was pie.

In case you didn't catch all that, let me sum up for you-There I am, a sleep-deprived-non-computer-game-playing-non-math-interested-hadn't-even-heard-of-The-Hobbit-until-I-was-23-and-thought-Cher-played-that-wizard-with-the-white-hair-in-The-Lord-of-the-Rings-movies-vegetarian, sitting in a chair with a baby on my lap and I'm ready for my dessert. Pie. I saw it come in. I want some now. However, my go to dessert guy is talking. Let me sound clip this for you:

Jon: The quantitative powers of the integers, blah, blah, blah
Me: (telepathically) Pie.

Jon's Cool Family Member: MakerBot, blah, blah, blah
Me:(still telepathically) Pie!

Jon: Cool shirt.
Jon's Other Cool Family Member: It's a subway map of The Shire, blah, blabbady, blah
Me: (optimistically and telepathically) Pie! :)

Jon's Other Other Cool Family Member: Golf, blah, blah, blah
Me: (loosing faith in telepathy) 3.14159256? pie....

Jon's Other Other Other Cool Family Member: Do you want to play the Wii? Blah, blee, bleebity, blee
Me: (telepathically AND kinetically with my elbow) PIE!!! NOW!!! BRING ME PIE!!!

End sound clip.

The moral of the story? If you see me sitting in the middle of a discussion focusing on Hobbits, MakerBots, golf, math and computer games, I am not interested. I just want pie.

*ie World Wide Web, which, back in the late 90's I kept calling it WWF in my head, because it just sounded more righter, then there was the whole World Wrestling Federation vs. World Wildlife Fund smack down and I eventually had to stop because Hulk Hogan and his friends lost and WWE just didn't sound cool. Or righter.


  1. Oh I love you, Martha. You make me smile and laugh just when I need it.
    May I just say that I am sorry to hear that you have gone through so much in the last few months and if you ever need to vent or be serious you can always email me. There really is something therapeutic about writing serious stuff. I have been through the ringer and back in the last 6 years and it always feels good to write to someone who cares.
    Did you ever get your pie? I have been in that situation too.

  2. Why is it I never know about these things until after the fact, and by reading my favorite Mac and Cheese blog. My brother is fired. I love you and hope everything is ok.

  3. Sarah R- Thanks! And, yes. I got my pie. And it was good. So was Jon's.

  4. Sarah U-Everything's OK now, thank goodness! And thanks for blaming the lack of communication on Jon, he makes a lovely scapegoat.