This week Jon has been going through one of his binges again. Not the after school special 21 Jumpstreet kind, but the, "This expired in... SERIOUSLY!?! 2005!" and the "Rusty knives give you lock jaw" and the "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?! You can't serve week old spaghetti sauce" kind. Normally, I grimace, place the spaghetti sauce back in the refrigerator, and just eat it for lunch the next day. But this time, he's gone personal.
How you ask?
He threw out all of my training food. Gu. Gatorade powder. Cliff Bars. All of it! (sob) Gone! (uncontrollable sob) Goooonnnneeeee!!!
(bravely wiping tears) I know! What was he thinking, right? I mean the man has gone insane! Obviously, the computers have finally taken over his brain and not only convinced him that ingesting week old tomato sauce is exactly the same as mainlining nuclear waste but that my Espresso Love (which, is awesome because you have to say it in a creepy lounge lizard voice) is one step away from molding over, growing legs and murdering us in our sleep! Sure you had to use an ice pick to break up my Gatorade powder and I got the Cliff Bars from some triathlon back in 2003 and yes, the Gu had expired in 2005, but, come one! It was all still good!
Wait.
Are you taking his side?
Really?
Seriously!?!
You know what this is going to force me to do now, don't you?
And, because Jon's never seen the movies, I'm pretty sure he didn't realize what he was getting himself into when he tossed my training food. Hmmmmm....maybe if I add a shot of coffee to my raw eggs they'll taste just like my Espresso Love Gu. Maybe.
Update!:
OH! WHY DIDN'T I FIND THIS LAST NIGHT?!
Also, now you know what I do while Ellie refuses to eat her carrot, prune, tofu baby food breakfast.
Update!:
Because sometimes, you need a little "Espresso Love"!
My notes...
ReplyDelete1) Hand raised. I have never seen Rocky.
2) What the heck is Gu????
:) Bree
My notes...
ReplyDelete1) If you've seen Herbie, you've basically seen Rocky. Underdog wins race/fight. Rocky just has a better work out scene! Because car's don't have muscles. Although, Herbie is cuter.
2) Fine. I'll update my post again! Because, if you're going to run a half marathon, you're going to need some "Espresso Love"! (Yes. I said that in my best creepy lounge lizard voice.)
Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....
ReplyDeleteI haven't seen Herbie either (the new one or the old one)...
So is Gu (do you pronounce that goo?) like souped up gatorade?
Seriously?! OK, try this one. Rocky is basically the internal journey the pig from Roger's and Hammerstein's "State Fair" takes, but with singing. And yes, I'm talking about this pig. You have seen this movie, haven't you??!!??
ReplyDeleteYeah, Gu is pronounced "goo" and it is like souped up Gatorade (if Gatorade was so cool as to come in such awesome flavors as "Espresso Love") but with the consistency of raw eggs. Or at least, I'd imagine. I mean. Because I've never eaten a raw egg. Nope.
I love your blog. The update video of the "Rocky" guy with his little knit cap is amazing. And the Espresso Love Gu - who would ever think of making such a thing. Only get to see these kinds of things on your blog.:-) It's the best.
ReplyDeleteLet's see, I have some Gu that is dated expired 4/2011. Does this mean I have to throw out that tasty morsel?
According to Jon, if you eat your expired Gu you will run the risk of not only botulism but also growing a tail. According to me, you have at least another year or two, besides having a tail could be really useful!
ReplyDelete