Friday, July 29, 2011

BANANAS!!! Crud. I Just Totally Ruined The Punch Line For You All.

Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Bananas who?
Bananas on a plate!

It's OK, I can wait for you to stop laughing uproariously.

Wait. Seriously? You're done already? Weird.... Because I recently found out on a road trip with Katie, there is nothing NOT funny about the word 'bananas'. So if you need more giggle time, I can totally upload some awesome elevator music to rock out to while I wait. No? Sure?

Oh thank goodness, people! Because I was thees close to having Micheal Bolton's "Said I Loved You... But I Lied" stuck in my head for the rest of the day.*

So, there I was with banana jokes cavorting around in my head, a giggling four year old in the back seat, 100 miles to go before we could sleep and a trigger thumb on my Twitter account, when this thought occurred to me, "If I twit that I'm off to the beach for a vacation the uber smart Buck-Roger-bots are going to know that I'm on vacation! They will know that I'm not at home! They'll be able to come into my house, install mind controlling devices in my microwave and bedside lamp, rearrange my underwear drawer and suck all the caffeine out of my coffee one bean at a time! Rude! Gross! And frankly, annoying, because I bet those brain implants give you tinnitus." So I did the only rational thing. I put my iPhone away. I played in the sand. I flew kites. I rode a bike. I went for glorious morning runs on the beach. I ate two Recess peanut butter cups and a cookie the size of my head. Obviously, I went vacation crazy, and it was awesome!

But I didn't want you all to feel left out, so I wrote down my tweets on a handy dandy (I make myself cringe with my slang sometimes too.) piece of paper. I'm sure it will be just like being there!

1. Stripey green maxi dress, purple shirt and pigtails. Nothing says, "I'm on vacation" like #DressingLikeAClown.

2. I don't think the McDonald's employees appreciated my homage as much as I did. #DressingLikeAClown

3. Um. Correction. Nothing says "I'm on vacation" like #DressingLikeAClown, but nothing smells like vacation like baby vomit all over the back seat.

4. This place has a 12 cup coffee maker and Jon is still in the shower. SCORE!

5. PB cookies the size of my head!!

6. Coffee tsunami! #LongBeachCoffeeRoasters

7. Vacation pics by four year olds can be kinda random.

8. Oh wait. Never mind. That was mine.

9. Apparently no matter how many times you say, "I have pita chips!" it doesn't turn them into real chips.


12. This town really loves it's razor clams. I'm just trying to fit in.

13. I think this guy needs to use the bathroom. I know the feeling dude.

14. It was just a two shot latte! I swear!

15. Jon's got skillz. Madcat skillz.

16. I want to hug him and squeeze him and love him forever! #sandsculpturecompetition

17. ARG! Croc-O-Pirate! #JakeTheAlligatorMan

18. I do realize alligators and crocodiles are different, but Alli-O-Pirate sounded stupid.

19. I am an ostrich cowboy.

20. Don't you hate tweets that basically say, "You had to be there"? #annoying

21. Check out deadlines make me crazy! Load the car! Load the car!

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