Sunday, April 1, 2012

Mean Things Someone Did With The Force. Yes, I'm Looking At You George.

Something like a month ago, I joined a blog group. The idea was that the monitor would give out a prompt every week and then I'd, you know, write a post based on the topic.  But the topics always seemed to be words like "simplicity" or "confrontation" or "some-other-deep-sounding-word-that-intimidates-my-coffee-powered-typing-fingers-right-into-another-inappropriate-butt-reference".  But last week, last week the topic was "a list". Seriously! That's it! I read that and I was all, "I can totally do that one! Especially since I just changed the sheets on Katie's bed this morning!" (Hold on. We'll get to that.) Gleefully I skipped over to my computer, joyfully I hit the power button and THERE WAS NO INTERNET! (Go ahead and play some random eerie horror movie music in your brain. I did.)

After doing everything I knew how to do to fix the problem (read: picked my computer up and shook it like a Magic 8 Ball) I asked Jon to fix it.  He did everything he knew how to do to fix the problem (read: sat on the couch for a long time and typed random looking strings of symbols like fu:/&apt>%fixinternet1$67%&(32)ff1+>
) and then blamed the problem on the cable company. Which, since I've lived with a computer genius for over a decade and have gotten really good at deciphering geek speak secret computer code talk, obviously what Jon really meant was "George Lucas turned off our Internet because he was jealous of my version of the Star Wars story with the popcorn."

But, since I'm not one to be intimidated by sci-fi movie mongols (or their ability to wield a sharp pair of cable cutters, George) and because due to my lack of Internet availability I could no longer read other people's blogs, download books to read on my Kindle or watch old episodes of 21 Jumpstreet on Hulu, I simply wrote down my list on a scrappy piece of paper and went to the library. And, for awhile all was well because I found a DVD set of Emily of New Moon! "A story about friendship, family and finding your passion!" "A story by the author of Anne of Green Gables!" "The complete first season!" "Produced by Canada!"

And, in the first episode, Emily's mother dies, she then gets beaten by the school teacher for standing up for another kid, her father looses his job and they begin to sell off their belongings book by book, her father is secretly dying, then her father dies in front of her, their maid tries to steal what little money they have left, she's sent to live with her strict aunts and told to leave her beloved cat behind, she tries to smuggle the cat in the buggy but is found out and so her aunt throws the cat out in the middle of the woods to die.  Oh, and she talks to dead people.  Yeah, apparently George owns Canada too.

However, since I still had that little piece of paper with my list on it, I continued to watch more episodes of Emily of New Moon.  Then, just when the show was starting to get more upbeat (read: her cat came back and, after her aunt tried to kill it three times, she got to keep the cat in the barn) George intervened again. And this time he broke my mother's leg.  Yeah.  Because apparently with George, The Force is just like that.

OK, sure... I don't actually have any, you know, real proof that George Lucas turned off my Internet, forced me to check a horrifically depressing DVD out from the library and broke my mother's leg, but, um, hello, this is the Internet, I'm pretty sure I don't need one.

Oh, and by the way George, a piece of paper and I have something for you:

  1. Extraordinary Stories Behind the Invention of Ordinary Things by Don L. Wulffson*
  2. Mr. Popper's Penguins by Richard & Florence Atwater*
  3. Geronimo Stilton: Lost Treasures of the Emerald Eye*
  4. Heathcliff: Wanted by George Gately*
  5. Uncle Wiggly Stories by Howard R. Garis*
  6. Henry and Beezus by Beverly Cleary*
  7. Jigsaw Jones: The Case of the Best Pet Ever by James Preller*
  8. Fantastic Mr. Fox by Roald Dahl*
  9. Dora the Explorer: Let's Explore! by Quinlan B. Lee*
  10. Geronimo Stilton: A Cheese-Colored Camper*
  11. Geronimo Stilton: Mighty Mount Kilimanjaro*
  12. Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle's Magic by Betty MacDonald*
  13. Thea Stilton: Big Trouble in the Big Apple*
  14. Jigsaw Jones: The Case of the Detective in Disguise by James Preller*
  15. Geronimo Stilton: The Karate Mouse*
  16. Stories from the Peterkin Papers by Lucretia P. Hale*
  17. Geronimo Stilton: Singing Sensation*

Proving once again, you can't keep a scrappy band of rebels down. Especially once you've gone over to the Dark Side, George.

*Katie is absolutely loving the squirreling capacity of her upper bunk:


And, because Ellie refuses to be left out:

  1. The Baby Duck Stories by Amy Hest
  2. The Friendly Beasts: An Old English Christmas Carol illustrated by Tomie dePaola
  3. The Tushy Book by Fran Manushkin
  4. Curious George: Pinata Party
  5. The Foot Book by Dr. Seuss
  6. Sesame Street: Count with Me 1-2-3


  1. After reading this post, I'm much encouraged that we all would survive should the tech world be taken over by the Empire :-) Great job as always! I love the book lists.

    1. Um, you seem to be operating under the misconception that I would be on the side of the tech world instead of running around in the woods raising my own rebellion based on my many summers of honing my woodswomen skills at Girl Scout camp.

      Oh, wait. You meant Katie, didn't you? Oops!

  2. I also got lured into watching Emily of New Moon, thinking it would be a lovely (and mostly happy) story of a little girl with big dreams... how very wrong I was. I didn't even make it to episode 2!! You are much braver than I am.

    1. It is depressing! I even went back and started to re-read Emily of New Moon, just to see if it really was that depressing and maybe I was just remembering the story wrong. But nope, I wasn't remembering wrong, George totally bullied Canada into taking out all the poetry and happiness of Emily's childhood. No wonder I've never bothered to sit down and really watch Star Wars, not if it's as bad as that Canadian production of his!

    2. That George, man, he spoils everything. He must have also been the one who came up with the plot for the third Anne of Green Gables movie (which was just about the worst thing ever made)! I am starting to get on board with your "George is ruining everything" thing...

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