See, awhile ago (meaning two weeks) I realized that not only was Katie turning five, but also that I should probably throw some sort of birthday party for her. (I am nothing if not a stellar mother, obviously.) So, in the hopes of showing off how whippet my Internet skillz have become I logged onto Pininterest. At least that's what I was calling it until Jon, head in hands, groaned, "Seriously? It's called PinTEREST. How long have you been call-WHY ARE YOU STILL SHAKING YOUR PHONE!?!" Obviously he'd reached his pebibyte* limit. However, undaunted, with the song from that one Fred Astaire movie flipping off my lips, I left the room, unearthed my laptop from some elaborate art project of Katie and Ellie's (meaning all the ads from yesterday's newspaper), found the search bar on PinINterest and typed "Birthday Parties For Lazy People" and got zero results. ZZEEERROOO! I was now officially, utterly, and completely out of ideas.
Then Winifred walked into my life. (cue hero music) And she brought Belinda with her. (Come on! Sing the hero music with me! "Believe it or not! I'm walking on air! I never thought I could feel so free-e-ee! Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer, who could it be? Believe it or not, it's just Belinda and Winifred!")
OK, fine, technically, they'd been in my life for years considering we all go to the same church, both their sons were born like hours before Katie, and one of them still can't believe that I painted my eyebrows teal in the middle of Target (in my defense they were free samples, Belinda!). But they're still my heroes, because (herorific drum roll please!) they let me join in on their birthday party plans! Yes, me! The mother with absolutely NO birthday ideas!
And, for a while, it was simply wonderful. My birthday party heroes knew how to search for more than just "party planning for lazy people" on PinINterest. They knew about birthday party gift bags. They knew how to make cakes from scratch. Winifred even had a bounce house. Seriously. A BOUNCE HOUSE people! There was no way this party wouldn't be EPICALLY AWESOME!!!!!!! (cue embarrassing happy dance here)
Then they told me the theme.
Yeah. You guessed it.
I realized at that moment I had two choices. 1) I could go back to my "retro" theme of crayon decorated grocery bags and clothes pin entertainment, or 2) I could somehow figure out a way to explain Star Wars to Katie. Considering I'd already told Katie about Winifred's bounce house, and no mother in her right mind promises her child a bounce house and then doesn't deliver, really, my choice was made for me.
Luckily Belinda had a napkin I could borrow. You know, for a visual aide.
The Story of Star Wars
As Told by Martha
Using a NapkinOnce upon a time, way out in space, there were some aliens and other people. Some of the aliens and people were good. Like these guys:
But some of the aliens and people were mean. Like these guys:
They could have been good guys too, but, this one time, Darth lost his drum sticks and he couldn't find them anywhere so he never played air percussion again and that made him really really sad, and very grumpy. Bubba, on the other hand, just got tired of people misspelling his name. "P-H-a-t people! Not F-a-t! Gosh!" And that made him grumpy too. So, when these two grumpy guys heard about how much fun everyone was having at the Wednesday popcorn dinners on the other planet, they got really jealous and decided that they would go there and steal all their popcorn and keep it for themselves. Of course they brought along their mechanical elephant, Melville, because their good friend Hannibal told them too.
*I found this word on PinINterest.