Monday, March 19, 2012

My Mom Planned Awesome Birthday Parties And Pininterest Is An Overachiever

Have you heard of Pininterest? Supposedly it's the newest coolest whippest thing out there on the world wide Internet.  And, for all of you who 1) didn't know whippest was the new cool catch phrase and 2) don't know what Pininterest is, it's a website dedicated to really, really, really elaborate children's birthday parties. How do I know this? Well, let's just say, when your friends ask what you are planning for your daughter's birthday party and you say that your plan is to have the children decorate paper grocery bags and then play a rousing game of drop the clothespin in the jar, it doesn't come off as sounding all cool and retro like.

See, awhile ago (meaning two weeks) I realized that not only was Katie turning five, but also that I should probably throw some sort of birthday party for her. (I am nothing if not a stellar mother, obviously.) So, in the hopes of showing off how whippet my Internet skillz have become I logged onto Pininterest.  At least that's what I was calling it until Jon, head in hands, groaned, "Seriously? It's called PinTEREST. How long have you been call-WHY ARE YOU STILL SHAKING YOUR PHONE!?!" Obviously he'd reached his pebibyte* limit.  However, undaunted, with the song from that one Fred Astaire movie flipping off my lips, I left the room,  unearthed my laptop from some elaborate art project of Katie and Ellie's (meaning all the ads from yesterday's newspaper), found the search bar on PinINterest and typed "Birthday Parties For Lazy People" and got zero results.  ZZEEERROOO! I was now officially, utterly, and completely out of ideas.

Then Winifred walked into my life.  (cue hero music) And she brought Belinda with her. (Come on! Sing the hero music with me! "Believe it or not! I'm walking on air! I never thought I could feel so free-e-ee! Flyin' away on a wing and a prayer, who could it be? Believe it or not, it's just Belinda and Winifred!")

OK, fine, technically, they'd been in my life for years considering we all go to the same church, both their sons were born like hours before Katie, and one of them still can't believe that I painted my eyebrows teal in the middle of Target (in my defense they were free samples, Belinda!). But they're still my heroes, because (herorific drum roll please!) they let me join in on their birthday party plans! Yes, me! The mother with absolutely NO birthday ideas!

And, for a while, it was simply wonderful. My birthday party heroes knew how to search for more than just "party planning for lazy people" on PinINterest. They knew about birthday party gift bags.  They knew how to make cakes from scratch. Winifred even had a bounce house.  Seriously. A BOUNCE HOUSE people! There was no way this party wouldn't be EPICALLY AWESOME!!!!!!! (cue embarrassing happy dance here)

Then they told me the theme.

Yeah. You guessed it.

Star Wars.

Crap-a-zoidal.

I realized at that moment I had two choices. 1) I could go back to my "retro" theme of crayon decorated grocery bags and clothes pin entertainment, or 2) I could somehow figure out a way to explain Star Wars to Katie. Considering I'd already told Katie about Winifred's bounce house, and no mother in her right mind promises her child a bounce house and then doesn't deliver, really, my choice was made for me.

Luckily Belinda had a napkin I could borrow. You know, for a visual aide.

The Story of Star Wars
As Told by Martha
Using a Napkin

Once upon a time, way out in space, there were some aliens and other people.  Some of the aliens and people were good.  Like these guys:
The good guys lived on a very cold planet, but they had warm coats and hairy bodies, so, they usually stayed toasty warm. Their job was to ride the ranges in their region, making sure the planet was safe for everyone.  They had a good time and were always the best of friends.  Plus, The Mountie made popcorn for dinner every Wednesday, and they all loved that!

But some of the aliens and people were mean.  Like these guys:
They could have been good guys too, but, this one time, Darth lost his drum sticks and he couldn't find them anywhere so he never played air percussion again and that made him really really sad, and very grumpy. Bubba, on the other hand, just got tired of people misspelling his name. "P-H-a-t people! Not F-a-t!  Gosh!" And that made him grumpy too.  So, when these two grumpy guys heard about how much fun everyone was having at the Wednesday popcorn dinners on the other planet, they got really jealous and decided that they would go there and steal all their popcorn and keep it for themselves.  Of course they brought along their mechanical elephant, Melville, because their good friend Hannibal told them too.
But the attack didn't work out well for Darth and Bubba.  Clothed as they were, in their small capes, it made little difference against the arctic weather conditions they faced. They began to shiver so badly they couldn't even hold their swords properly.  Melville didn't do well on the snow and ice either.  He kept falling down.  But when the good guys saw the distress the poor elephant was in, they held a quick quilting party and made a warm Snuggie for him.  When Darth and Bubba saw how nice The Mountie, Chewbacha and The Eskimo were to Melville, they put down their swords and, using their polite voices, asked if they could come to their popcorn party. They even said, "Please."  Of course the good guys said they had tons of popcorn and would love to share with their new friends. And they all lived happily ever after.
The End



*I found this word on PinINterest.

8 comments:

  1. I see,my project must just have been a warm up. I'm not sure if George would approve of your rewriting of his story. ;)

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    1. What does George Lucas have against popcorn?

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  2. You were close. Darth didn't lose his drum sticks. He was sad because people kept calling him Annie.

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    1. You realized you just made me Google "Wayne's World Garth Annie", right? And I got nothing. Maybe I should have tried PinInterest.

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  3. This blog entry is great! :-)

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  4. I loved this synopsis of Star Wars. It is scarily accurate.

    On another note, I have an Anakin in my family (NO JOKE) and they DO call him "Annie." No one knows how he feels about it though, because he's always making up stories about Rebel Alliances.

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    1. Seriously! There's a character named "Annie" in Star Wars!?! Does he have a dog, a perky head of red hair, a vaguely vacant expression and a habit of breaking into songs about sunshine? Because, dude, I think I've seen that Star Wars movie!

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