If You See Me Walking Around With Flames Coming Out Of My Head Hit Me With A Shot From The Fire Extinguisher

It's Easter, and while traditionally I should be writing a post about Jesus, Easter lilies, clucking Cadbury Creme Egg delivering rabbits and spiral sliced ham (Do you know what part of the pig that used to be? I do.) I'm not. Because, dude, everyone wrote one like that today. And, truthfully I only participated in two of the four traditions. Although... I did deal with a high number of butts today....

And now you all understand why I should not be writing a post about Easter.*

So... you get a post about Earth Day instead. It has less lightning bolts and fewer disapproving glares when I walk in to teach Sunday school next week.

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(That's a page break up there. NO! Wait! That's an artistic page break! Yeah. Way cooler, right?)

This year in honor of Earth Day, Katie, Ellie and I bought the $5 soil test kit from our local Fred Meyer to test the soil in our Smart Car sized garden. Now, the non-existent gods of Earth Day had been messing with me good these past few months. Mostly in the form of overly prolific bacteria growth in Katie and Ellie and a colony of ants in my kitchen. Not cool, non-existent god's. Not cool at all. But last Friday, all was forgiven after a short science lesson and some flamingo dancing in the garden (to shake the test tubes, of course). Why? Because we got these results for our nitrogen:

What's that you say non-existent Earth Day gods? Drink more coffee? A lot of coffee? For the health of my little micro-environment? For the tiny baby strawberries that are just a gleam in the stamen of their father's eyes? Oookaaayy! (cue excited jumping, overly enthusiastic fist ka-chinging and giddy clapping)

Obviously, the non-existent Earth Day gods and I became besties within seconds! We were planning trips to the park, tea parties, yoga lessons! But, then, something weird happened. I looked at the results for the pot ash:

Um...awkward, right? I mean, here I was thinking that the non-existent Earth Day gods and I were total buddies now. Chums! Mates! Pals! Each other's sidekick even! And they go and throw a 4/20 at me. Dude....What's with that, non-existent Earth Day gods? It's like you don't even know me. I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to say it again: Not cool, non-existent Earth Day gods. Not cool at all. And this time? It's for realsies.

*Because invariably I would be forced to make a joke about Jesus and poop that would be, um, rather, kinda, yeah.... pretty much, um... inappropriate. It would however be historically accurate. Just sayin'.

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