Tuesday, February 21, 2012

This Is All Twitter's Fault

In the past I've called Twitter "an insidious plot for world domination by super Buck Rogers computers" and I'm not wrong.  However, Twitter is also a magical space where you can say just about anything and it gets published right there (points to computer screen) on the Internet! And, extra bonus!, people that are on Twitter, on average (or mean, or frequency distribution, or some other random math term I just googled) follow something like 2,345 other people, which means no one notices anyone else's twits! It's like everyone on Twitter is a bunch of crazy people wandering around the local library/park/mall talking to themselves! Genius! I mean, obviously, I fit right in!

That is until you go to Mabel's house for a girl's movie night of Twilight: Breaking Dawn. (NEW! Just out on DVD February 11th!) Before I can get myself settled in on the couch in anticipation of over an hour of daydreaming about long uninterrupted historical talks with Edward over a steaming cup of hot carrot juice, she says, "Journey, Martha! Really!?!" Which means she's totally calling me out on some of my recent twits.  Specifically these ones:

1.  Listen, radio stations of the world, let's make a deal, you don't play anymore songs by The Eagles and I'll quit changing channels. Deal?

2.  You know, while we're at it, let's just add Fleetwood Mac to the list.  Because it just makes me cringe.

3.  And, let's just face it, 90% of Journey too.

4.  Ooo! Also, anything that has the words, "I like big butts" in the lyrics should be banned too.

5.  The heck with it, radio stations of the world, I'm going back to my Twilight Pandora station.

(Reading above five twits in my head) Um, no, Mabel, that all sounds about right.....

But, obviously Mabel disagrees so, I embedded some examples for you all. (Of course there's going to be examples! How else does bad music get spread around the globe? Besides, I need these to stick in your brains, people, so they too can drive you crazy and you'll be forced to join Twitter and twit all your crazy thoughts with me! We'll be Crazy Twitter Besties! Or CTB for short!*)

Aaaaarrrrgggg!!! The Eagles! Hall of Fame, Shmall of Fame, they just bore me!

Your face is all scrunched up like mine with your Fleetwood Mac cringeyness. You can't deny it.  I can see you.

At one point in the video the lead singer is actually running away from his own song. Seriously, Journey! This should be a clue!

I couldn't post the butt song.  I just couldn't do it.  So you get this cute video of a baby elephant instead.  You're welcome.  No. Really.  If you've ever seen the original Sir Mix-A-Lot video, you understand.  This is way better!

Now, before you all go all ninja on my musical butt down there in the comment section, I just want to remind everyone, all facts  opinions  facts I've stated above are from a woman who owned something like two Amy Grant tapes, three Michael W. Smith tapes, a Petra CD and Michael Bolton's "Time, Love and Tenderness" tape WHEN I HEADED OFF TO COLLEGE**. So, you know, I wouldn't listen to me either. Except when I'm right.

*And since CTB is an acronym for an educational publisher, if you join me right off the bat we'll look incredibly smart! (And by we, I mean me, obviously.)

**Yeah.  I was cool.  Cool like a, well, like a person who also made up lyrics to the tune of Gilligan's Island to put on her dorm room answering machine.  Obviously.


  1. I swear each and every one of those groups is on my mp3 player for my random running mix. :) I guess that's why I have headphones, huh?

    <3 Bree

  2. Do the songs end faster if you run faster? Because that might be a good way for me to get in some intervals!

  3. Did we get on the wrong soapbox this morning? C'mon.... no Journey... obviously not of my generation who grew up with deep (unnecessary) emotional attachment to their music. Wow, someone pass me something with way to many calories in it so that I may drown my sorrow for this lost soul... ;D

    1. If it's any comfort, Jon agrees with you 100%!

  4. I like that you're so honest about this music that we're supposed to like even though it's beyond boring. I have at least one or five songs from each of these artists on my iPod, and am considering making a playlist entitled "All songs except Eagles Journey Fleetwood Mac and Big Butts."

    1. EXACTLY! It is boring! Thank you!

      Also, I'd totally listen to that playlist! Unless you included Michael Bolton.

  5. I like Michael Bolton because his range is the same as mine. "Said I Loved You But I Lied" is my road trip anthem.

    1. I swear my mother-in-law just called shot gun! Don't worry, she's awesome.